Category: school

City of LAHigh School Math Proficiency Exam
Name:________________ Gang:________________

1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he missed 6 out of 10 shots,
and shoots 11 times at each drive-by, how many drive-by shootings can he attend
before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. He sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $220 and 2
grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the
coke if he doesn’t cut it?
3. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $63 per trick, how many
tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack
habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut his 1/2 lb. of heroine to make 20% more profit. How
many ounces of cut will he need?
5. Willis gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy, and $100 for a 4X4.
How many Chevy�s will he have to steel to make $600?
6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got $10,000 for the hit. If
his common law wife is spending $1,000 per month, how much money will be left
when he gets out of prison, and how many years will he get for killing the bitch
that spent his money?
7. If the average spray can covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 8
square feet, how many letters can Rodney spray with 3 cans of paint?
8. Hector knocked up 4 girls in his gang. There are 27 girls in the gang. What
percentage of the gang has Hector knocked up?

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,
what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

Did you hear about the Duke science major who tried to blow up his
instructor’s car?
He burned his lips trying.

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. Before long it exploded into flames and an alarm went out to fire departments from miles around. After fighting the fire for over an hour, the chemical company president approached the fire chief and said, “All of our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved! I will give $50,000 to the engine company that brings them out safely!”

As soon as the chief heard this, he ordered the firemen to strengthen their attack on the blaze. After two more hours of attacking the fire, president of the company offered $100,000 to the engine company that could bring out the company’s secret files.

From the distance a long siren was heard and another fire truck came into sight. It was a local volunteer fire company composed entirely of men over 65. To everyone’s amazement the little fire engine raced through the chemical plant gates and drove straight into the middle of the inferno. In the distance the other firemen watched as the old timers hopped off of their rig and began to fight the fire with an effort that they had never seen before.

After an hour of intense fighting the volunteer company had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. Joyous the chemical company president announced that he would double the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the volunteers.

After thanking each of the old men individually the president asked the group what they intended to do with the reward money. The fire truck driver looked him right in the eye and said, “The first thing we’re going to do is fix the damn brakes on that truck!”

A man in his mid thrities decides that he wants to go back to school, but just to take some courses that he finds interesting. Unfortunately, when he goes to register, he finds that all the classes he had intended on taking were already too full.

Disapointed, the man figured, “Ah screw it.”

The next day, the man happened to run into one of the professors who teaches at the university. The man explained his situation to the professor, to which the professor replied, “Hey, if nothing else, why not sign up for my course in Logic”

Intrigued, the man asked the professor, “What exactly do you teach in your class?”

“Well,” the professor answered, “I’ll give you an example of what i mean. Do you own a weed whacker?”

“Yes,” the man replied. “If you own a weed whacker, then you probably have a lawn,” the professor said

“Yes,” the man replied.

“And if you have a lawn, then you probably own a home, right?” the professor asked.

“Yes,” the man replied “And if you own a home, then you probably are married with a family, correct?” the professor asked.

“Why yes,” the man replied

“And if you are married with a family, then you’re in all probability heterosexual, right?” the professor asked

“Yes!” the man replied

The following day, the man decided to try out some of this “logic” at the cash clerk at the store because he was so impressed with it himself. The man askes the cash clerk, “Do you own a weed whacker?”

“No” the cash clerk replies

“Ah-hah!!”, the man blurts out, “You must be gay!!”

These three women were roommates. One night they all had all gone out on dates and all came home at about the same time.

The first one said, “You know you’ve been on a good date when you come home with your hair all messed up.”

The second one said, “No, you know you’ve been on a good date when you come home with your makeup all smeared.”

The third one said nothing, but reached under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against the wall, where they stuck.
She said, “Now THAT’S a good date!!”

This is a real joke

(It’s in Morse code)

– …. . ..-. .. –. .-.. . .- ..-. .- –. ..- -.– –. — . … – — .- -.-. — … – ..- — . … …. — .–. .- -. -.. … .- -.– … .—-. .. .—-. — –. — .. -. –. – — .- -.-. — … – ..- — . .–. .- .-. – -.– .- … .- -.. .- — .- -. -.. .. -. . . -.. .- ..-. .. –. .-.. . .- ..-. .-.-.- .—-. – …. . –. .. .-. .-.. -… .-. .. -. –. … — ..- – .- ..-. .. –. .-.. . .- ..-. .-.-.- …. . … .- -.– … –..– .—-. -. — – -… .. –. . -. — ..- –. …. .-.-.- .—-. … …. . -… .-. .. -. –. … — ..- – .- -… .. –. –. . .-. — -. . .-.-.- …. . … .- -.– … –..– .—-. … – .. .-.. .-.. -. — – -… .. –. . -. — ..- –. …. .-.-.- .—-. … …. . -… .-. .. -. –. … — ..- – .- …. ..- –. . ..-. .. –. .-.. . .- ..-. .-.-.- …. . … .- -.– … –..– .—-. … – .. .-.. .-.. -. — – -… .. –. . -. — ..- –. …. .-.-.- .—-. … …. . … .- -.– … –..– .—-. .-.. .. … – . -. –..– .- -.-. . –..– .– …. -.– -.. — -. .—-. – -.– — ..- .— ..- … – – …. .-. — .– .. – — …- . .-. -.– — ..- .-. … …. — ..- .-.. -.. . .-. .- -. -.. –. — .- … .- –. .- … — .-.. .. -. . .–. ..- — .–. ..–.. .—-.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.46. While you’re roommate is there and you are not, secretly order a pizza up to him using his name.

An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

“Where did you get such a functional bike?” asked the first.

The second engineer replied: “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly: “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?”

Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!”

Q: Whats the difference between a crush, lust, and love?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling!

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought he’d better do something. He spoke to all the girls that wore lipstick and asked them to meet him in the ladies room at 2pm.

When they arrived they found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies would better understand the problem if they saw how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a berdaggled brush on a long handle out of a box. He dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.