Category: riddles

Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One
says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you
sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

OK- You are the bus driver.

The bus driver goes to the first stop and picks up three kids.

Then the bus driver goes to the second stop and picks up five.

The bus driver goes to the third stop and picks up two.

At the fourth, he drops of three,

At the fifth, he picks up one,

At the sixth, he drops off four,

And at the very last stop, the bus driver picks up two.

Now, by figuring all the math, what was the color of the bus
driver’s eyes?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your wall?

– Art

Schwartznegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn’t have one,
The POPE has one but doesn’t use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns’ was hot,
Liberace NEVER used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi’s
What is it?
.
.
.
.
.
A last name……. Were you thinking of something else?

What’s the technical name for people who have sex without
protection?

Parents!!

There was a young man from St. Loo,
Sho gave his sister a screw.
He said, with aplomb,
“You’re better than Mom.”
She replied, “That’s what Dad said too!”

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to SantaDid you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb? She says, ‘Daddy, I want a new apartment.’What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? ‘Dam’.What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids.What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.What do the letters D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologistWhat has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an ‘A’ bra.What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. ….and what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise.

Why did the traffic light turn red?

You would turn red too if you had to change in front of everyone!

What did one nut say to the other?

– Look at that dick in the middle!

Tommy: You wore that outfit the day after yesterday!Fred: No I didn’t!Tommy: Yes you did!Answer: The day After Yesterday is Today!

Q: How much dirt is in a hole three feet long, two feet wide, and one foot deep? [SCROLL DOWN AGAIN FOR THE ANSWER] A: None. It’s a hole, after all.

Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!