Category: relationships

A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife. “Please describe,” said his attorney, “the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife’s fidelity.”

“Well, I’m pretty much on the road all week,” the man testified. “So naturally when I am home, I’m attentive to the wife.” “One Sunday morning,” he continued, “we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled, ‘Can’t you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?’

Did you know why single women don’t fart?

Because they don’t have assholes until they get married.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Taking a phone call in her bedroom, a woman replies, “That’s OK honey. No problem. I hope you have a good time. See you later”. Then she puts down the receiver.

“Who was that?”, asks the man lying besides her in bed.

“My husband”, she replies.

“What did he want?”

“Nothing, he said he would be home late tonight. He’s somewhere shooting pool with you and some other colleagues”.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym.

His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya doin?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser”.

“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them.”

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey,” she says, “Want your usual table dance?”

Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.

Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.

One knight told his best friend – “My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade.”

The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.

Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.

A horseman approached. It was the knight’s best friend.

He yelss – “Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!”

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.” So the married couple walked in.

The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?”

The Pakistani man replied, “Just try them on.” Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years— raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy’s pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, “YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!”

One man’s hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.

One Sunday, very early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual but, it was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house.

He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. “What terrible weather today honey,” he said to her.

“Yes, and my idiot husband went fishing!”

Submitted by sai1ram
Edited by Calamjo, Curtis and Tantilazing

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th
birthdays, which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared
and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she
would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The
fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was
the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, “Well

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, “I’m so pissed off !””

“”Oh yeah? What happened?”” asked the bartender politely.

“”See

There was a greek couple on a honeymoon.

Being greek they didnt know what to do on the honeymoon. so the wife said to the husband
“ring your mum she will know what to do””

so the husband rang his mum and asked
“”mum what do people do on honeymoons””
mother replied
“”you have sex of course””
“”oh yeah silly me”” replied the husband

“”what did she say”” the wife asked

1 Don’t call, ever.

2 If you like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure it out by herself.

3 Lie.

4 Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as “spike””

6 Here’s a good pickup line

One day when Bill was out for lunch with his friend Jeff, they got into a conversation. Bill said
“I feel really bad about what I did this morning.””
“”Why?”” asked Jeff.
“”Well