Category: relationships

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake and the waves that were beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of passion nearby.

One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to whisper “Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?”

Her tone upon answering was slightly more than irritable. “Of course you are!” she said. “And also the best too. I don’t know why you men always ask the same old ridiculous questions.”

couple where travaling in train .

they wanted to have sex .so they made codes
todo.

to insert-pepsi .
to take out-coca cola.

at night they started pepsi-cocacola………

then the old man sleeping down wake up
and said pepsi coco cola is alright dont through pepsi on me.

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION …
“Just wait until your father gets home.”
My Mother taught me about RECEIVING …
“You are going to get it when we get home!”
My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE …
“What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you … Don’t talk back to
me!”
My Mother taught me LOGIC …
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the
store with me.”
My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE …
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD …
“If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get good job.”
My Mother taught me ESP …
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”
My Mother taught me HUMOR …
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT…
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
My Mother taught me about SEX …
“How do you think you got here?”
My Mother taught me about GENETICS …
“You’re just like your father.”
My Mother taught me about my ROOTS …
“Do you think you were born in a barn?”
My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE …
“When you get to be my age, you will understand.”
And my all time favorite… JUSTICE…
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll
see what it’s like.”

Leaving the poker party late, as usual, two friends compared notes. “I can never fool my wife.” the first complained. “I turn off the car’s engine and coast into the garage, take off my shoes, sneak upstairs, and undress in the bathroom. But she always wakes up and yells at me for being out so late and leaving her alone.””You got the wrong technique my friend.” his buddy replied. “I roar into the garage, slam the door, stomp up the steps, rub my hand on her ass and say ‘How about a little ?’ She always pretends to be asleep!!!”

A husband had always been disdainful of people who, in his estimation,
talk too much. Recently he proudly told his wife he’d heard that men use
2200 words a day, while women use 4400.

The wife thought about that a moment, then concluded, “That’s because
women have to repeat everything they say to their husbands.” To which he
looked up and asked, “Come again?”

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall, and
sobbing.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked him.

“Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?”, he replied.

“And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison.”

Baffled, she said, “Yes, I remember, so what?”

“I would have been released today.”

Twin brothers were named Joe and John Jones. The single brother was the proud owner of a dilapidated boat. It happened that John’s wife died the same day that Joe’s boat sank.

A few days later a kindly old lady met Joe on the street and mistaking him for John, said “Oh Mr.Jones, I am sorry to hear about your great loss. You must feel terrible.”

Then Joe spoke up saying “well, I’m not the least bit sorry, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning.

Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelt like a dead fish and even the first time I got into her she made water faster than anything I had ever seen.

She has a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front. The hole got bigger every time I used her and she leaked like anything.

But this is what finished her. Four guys from the other side of town looking for a good time, asked if I would rent her to them.

I warned them that she wasn’t so hot, but they said they would take a crack at her anyway. The result was the crazy fools all tried to to get into her at one time and it was to much for her. She cracked down the middle.”

The old lady dropped to the ground in a dead faint.

Q: what did santa say to the three blondes?

A :ho!ho!ho!

My father and mother were recently celebrating their 50th wedding
anniversary. While cutting the cake, my mother was moved after
seeing my father�s eyes fill with tears. Mother took his arm, and
looked at him affectionately. “I never knew you were so
sentimental,” she whispered.

“No, no,” he said, choking back his tears, “that�s not it at all.
Remember when your father found us in the barn and told me to either
marry you or spend the next 50 years in jail?”

“Yes,” my mother replied. “I remember it like yesterday.”

“Well,” said my father, “today I would have be a free man!”

Little Timmy was taking a shower with his mom. He turns around
and sees her pussy. Confused and a little scared he points and
asks “What is that?” A little startled, she quickly says “This
is my sponge.”

Three days later mom is spring cleaning the house and askes
little Timmy if he has seen her sponge? Timmy says “Yeah, dad
has it next door at Miss Johnson’s, and he is washing his face
with it.”

A young pretty woman complains to her girlfriend:
“My husband is so unbearable! He is constantly talking about his dear mum. “My
mother doesn’t to it in such a way”, “If my mummy could see”; “My mum wouldn’t
like it”. And I’m on the final line of his priorities.”
Girlfriend:
“You should attract his attention as a passionate woman. So he’ll forget his
mother. When he comes back home tonight meet him in your sexual underwear.”
So the husband comes back home in the evening. His wife greets him wearing a
black brassiere, black stockings, and black gloves.
Husband: “Oh, goodness! You are all in black! Anything wrong with my mum?!”

One man’s hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather.

One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was just so cold and raining that he decided to return back to his house. He entered, went to his bedroom, undressed and slipped into bed beside his wife.

“God this is terrible weather today, honey.” he said.

“Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!”