Stinky Feet, Bad Breath

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?”

Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, “Now how do I tell my husband that I’ve got really bad breath? I’ve been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he’s lived with me for a week, he’s bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?”

The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, “Darling, I’ve a confession to make.”
And she says, “So have I, love.”
To which he replies, “Don’t tell me, you’ve eaten my socks!”

Wrong hole

One day this man went to Japan. He was with his buddy and his
buddies’ girlfriend and he was getting alittle jealous cause he
didn’t have a gurl to hang out with. So, he talked to his buddy
about it, and his buddy got him hooked up with a prostitute. She
couldn’t speak english, but the gut was like “What the hell!, At
least i’m still getttin’ sum!” So the next night he was in the
back of one of the bandwagons fucking her. She kept on screaming
“VIA NO PEEA! VIA NO PEEA!” Now, this guy new nothing about
Japenese, so he figured she was just having this MAJOR orgasm.
The next day, the guy was out playing gulf with his buddy. His
buddy swung the golf club, and hit the ball through a hole in
the tree. He was very frustrated, and started talking in
Japanese. “VIA NO PEEA!” Now, the man reconized that phrase, so
he asked his buddy what it meant. His buddy looked at him and
said “wrong hole”.

The Sexy Secretary.

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, “Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!”

“Hell, that’s nothing” she answered, ripping open her blouse.
“Look what he did to my tits!”

Preganat wife? Avoid these!

Top 17 fatal things to say if your wife is pregnant:

17. “I finished the Oreos.”

16. “Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs 40 pounds.”

15. “Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!”

14. “I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”

13. “Well, couldn’t they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl.”

12. “Darned if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”

11. “Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt.”

10. “Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!”

9. “I’m jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?”

8. “Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”

7. “Get your *own* ice cream.”

6. “Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today.”

5. “Got milk ?”

4. “Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.”

3. “Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”

2. “Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water…”

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:

1. “You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger…”

The 3rd June episode

There was this girl called (warawobeba)married, during the absence of her husband, she smuggled her boyfriend in her car booth to her house through the guaradge which has a secret entrance to the room.
On the way to the house, the police stopped her, thouroughly searched inside the car and discovered her boy friend (akpache) hidding in the booth. The police questioned akpache and he said he just wanted to make an experiment how it taste to ride in the booth and that the police shouldnt worry he will be fine.
When they got home, they really had a good time and ended up in the shower, all of asudden, her husband appeared on them and do you know what answer they giave him when he questioned angrily? warawobeba said what is wrong if i shower with my uncle and akpache said why dont u join us, then them husband gave him a dirty slap, so akpache took on his heels naked though the forest, the neighbours shouted and called the police so akpatche was finally arrested to the police station and…….(to be continued)

Newlywed Convent Wife

A young man, with a promising career ahead of him, decided to marry a respectable convent girl, untarnished with the sins of contemporary society. After the wedding service, the bridal couple had to drive through the more unsavoury areas of the city on the way to the reception. “William, what are those women doing leaning against lampposts?”

“Oh, those are just tarts who hire their bodies out for sex at fifty dollars a time.”

“Wow, fifty dollars!” exclaimed the bride, “the monks only used to give us an apple…”

Breakfast

An angry wife met her elderly husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek.

“I assume,” she snarled, “that there’s a very good reason for your waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?”

“There is.” he replied, “It’s called breakfast.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Doctor’s Orders

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said: “If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. 1. Each morning , fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.
5. Don’t burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don’t discuss yuor problems with him.
7. And most importantly, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her.

“You’re going to DIE” she replied.