Category: relationships

A young engaged couple were getting some prenuptial counseling from their minister.

The guy asked, “Is it okay to have sex before the wedding?”

The minister replied, “Not if it delays the ceremony.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Honey, I want this fur-coat.
To wear a coat like this you should be born a mink.

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. her husband is looking for a rake and can’t find it. He yells up to his wife, ‘Where’s the rake?’

She replies by shaking her head like she can’t hear. So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.

She replies by; pointing to her eye , grabbing her left breast slaps her ass, then rubs her crotch.

He runs up stairs and says, ‘What?’

She says, ‘I left tit behind the bush.’

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.

The husband says, “Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go.”

“Good idea,” she says. “While you’re in there, pick me up some Dramamine.”

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, “I’d like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please.”

“Yes sir,” says the clerk, “but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

The other day it was my turn to prepare dinner so I asked my wife to go over to the local market and buy some organic vegetables.

She came back rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said, “I don’t think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for your organic vegetables and I couldn’t find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were.

“He didn’t know what I was talking about so I said, ‘These vegetables are for my husband. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?’

“And he said, ‘No, ma’am. You’ll have to do that yourself.'”

Why is sex with your spouse like a convenience store?

There’s not much variety, but what else is open at three in the morning!

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newly weds do, time and again, all night long.

Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.

When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she see him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, “What’s THAT?”, pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, “Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.”

And she, in amazement, asked, “Is that all we have left?”

yo mama so dumb she sat on the tv and watched the couch all day.

Who needs a man!…

My dog growls at me every morning, my parrot swears all afternoon, my fireplace smokes a lot, my cat slinks home in the early morning hours, and I have a physician who looks me over regularly.

“It’s just too hot to wear clothes today,” Jack says as he stepped out of the shower,

“Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?”

“Probably that I married you for your money,” she replied.

Submitted by Curtis

Have you heard where many senior citizens are opting to spend their second or even third honeymoons?

Viagra Falls.

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains.

They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.

An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds.

The old man decided to go and see if they were all right.

He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered.

The old man asked if they were OK.

“Yes, we’re fine. We’re living on the fruits of love.”

The old man replied, “I thought so … would you mind not throwing the peelings out the window?

They’re choking the shit out of my ducks!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis