Category: relationships

Why are complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore?

Because they are murmurs of the tied.

Billy-joe and betty-sue get married, and billy-joe whisks her away to his
daddy’s hunting cabin in the woods, for a romantic ‘nature honeymoon’…
he carries her across the threshold, and they get into bed, when betty-sue
whispers in his ear “billy-joe, be gentle, i aim never been with a man before.”

“what???” shouts billy-joe, and his little bride softly shakes her head…
billy-joe jumps out of bed, grabs his clothes, and races out the door, into
his truck…. down the mountain…. straight to his parents house… rushes
inside screaming “hey daddy!, paw! get-up!” …..
his father rushes downstairs and gasps… “billy-joe, what�re you doing here?”

billy-joe, still breathing hard from his mad flight, gasps “well, betty-sue an
i was in the’ cabin, and she toll’ me she isn�t never been with a man’ afore….
sob�s i rushed outtalk there, an’ lit back here… quick as i could!”
his father grasps billy-joe’s shoulder in reassurance, and says “son, yaw done
the right thing…. tiffin she isn�t good’nuff far her family, she shore as s***
isn�t good’nuff far ours!!”

A deaf couple are on their honeymoon. The husband asks the wife in sign language “Honey, how would I tell you when I want to have sex?”.

The wife replies in sign language, “if you want have sex bite my right nipple once, if you don’t want to have sex bite my left nipple twice”.

Agreeing with this, the wife asks the same question to the husband.

The husband replies “Honey, if you want to have sex pull my penis once, if you don’t want to have sex pull penis 27 times”.

A husband writes his wife:
– Dear, you are the best woman in the world. Yesterday I became convinced of
this once again.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith were always fighting. Then one morning as Mrs. Smith was
going to the bank she was knocked down by a hit and run driver. A police officer
rushed up and asked her if she’d taken the car’s number. “I didn’t need to,”
replied Mrs. Smith. “It was my husband in that car.” “Did you see him?” asked
the officer. “No,” said Mrs. Smith, “but I’d know that laugh anywhere�.

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.”

A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.

When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride to be said, ‘White.’

The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, ‘Excuse me, I don’t mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can’t help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?’

The woman replied, ‘I’m sorry to say, but that’s the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector… God I miss him.’

“I must take every precaution not to get pregnant,” said Edna to Priscilla.

“But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy,” Priscilla responded.

“He did. That’s why I have to take every precaution.”

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing.

Either the car is new or the wife is.

First Cannibal: “I really don’t like my mother-in-law.”
Second Cannibal: “Then just eat the noodles�.

What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted!
or
You can shoot outlaws!

I’m worried about my daughter’s boyfriend. I told him she had to be home by 10:15 and he said, “October 15? Cool!”