Category: relationships

My big brother is such an idiot. The other day I saw him hitting himself on
the head with a hammer.
He was trying to make his head swell so his hat wouldn’t fall over his eyes.

Dont marry AIRTEL girl, she will magic on you.
Dont marry BSNL girl, she has contact all indians.
Dont marry IDEA girl, she touches tommorrow.
Dont marry RELIANCE girl, she will make you in her mutthi.
MARRY HUTCH girl she follow where ever you go.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for the strongest shot the bartender can make, which he then slams down.

Seconds later, he asks for another . . . and another . . . and another.

Finally, the bartender stops him. “Listen, I’m going to have to cut you off. What’s the problem anyway? Girl trouble?”

“My wife and I had a fight,” he replies.

“She said she’s not talking to me for a week.”

“These things blow over,” says the bartender, attempting to console him.

“You don’t understand. Today is the last day!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Do you know what it means to come home to a man who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, and a little tenderness?
It means you’re in the wrong house!

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
“Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.

“Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “Tthe honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!” No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. “But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He’s been saying things I’ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”

“Now Sarah . . .” her mother answered. “Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mamma.” wept the daughter. “I’m so embarrassed! They’re just too awful! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… please mamma!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . . Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride replied, “Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!”

There was a couple who were big over-spenders. They always dreamed to spend holidays in Hawaii, but never able to save any money to do so. One day they came with an idea — each time they have sex, they will put $20.00 bill into piggy bank. They bought the piggy, and followed that procedure for about a year. After that time, they decided that there is enough money for their dream vacation and broke the piggy bank. The husband looked at their savings and said: “Isn’t it strange. Each time we had sex, I put $20.00 into piggy. But here we have many $50.00 and a few $100.00 bills.” The wife replied: “Do you think that everybody is as stingy as you are?”

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?” she asks.

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Two ladies, who hadn’t seen each other in
quite some time, met at the supermarket.

“How are you, Helen?”

“Fine.”

“And your husband?”

“Oh, Karl died two weeks ago.”

“What? I hadn’t heard. What happened?”

“He went out in the garden to dig up a cabbage
for dinner, had a heart attack and fell over, dead.”

“I’m sorry. What did you do?”

“Opened a can of corn instead.”

Sam arrived home from work early one afternoon only to surprise his wife busily engaged with a midget in bed.

After chasing the rogue away, Sam liberally expressed his dismay to his wayward spouse. “I just don’t know what to do with you!” he said, shaking his head.

We’ve talked about this over and over. We’ve spent hours with the marriage counselor. I was really starting to believe that I could trust you again.”

“I know, I know…” acknowledged the wife contritely. “But at least I’m cutting back!”

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

A young couple decided that a painless way for them to be able to save money would be for the husband to put all his change into the bedside china piggy bank each time they had sex.

One night, while things were hot and heavy, the husband accidentally knocked the bank onto the floor where it smashed into pieces.

Much to his surprise, among the masses of coins, there were also numerous five and ten dollar bills.

“What’s up with all these bills?” he asked his wife.

“Not everyone is cheap as you are!” she replied.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

A woman married 35 years asked her husband on their anniversary, “What were you thinking the very first time you saw me?”

He replied, “I wanted to suck those tits dry and fuck your brains out, dear.”

She asked, “And what do you think when you look at me now, darling?”

“I think I did a damn good job!”