Category: relationships

Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

There was once a couple who were traveling for the hollidays to Jerusalem, Isreal. Well they had to bring along the man’s mother in law. Well they were there for about a couple of weeks and the mother in law died in her bed. Well being the man, the man went to the US counslit on Isreal and said…. Man: I want to send a dead body to the US to have a proper barriel on here country. US Counslit: Well that’ll be really expensive and it’ll be hard to pay the bills. Man: Well how much will it be? US Counslit: $50,000 but only $1500 to burry her in Isreal. Man: No i really need her in the states and not her!!!! US Counslit: Why? Man: Because i dont want her burried here! US Counslit: Why dont you want her burried her? Man: Well, there was a man here before and after burried for 3 day he rised from the died! I couldn’t hadle that espceilly because she is my MOTHER IN LAW!!!!!!!!

A young college student wrote home to his family. “Dear mom and dad, I haven’t
heard from you in nearly a month. Please send check so I’ll know you’re all
right.”

A newlywed couple were looking for ways to make a few extra
bucks. They had thrown around a few ideas, but the husband
suggested that his wife do some prostitution. On that night he
let her out of the car and told her that if she needed anything,
he would be around the corner. He then tells her that she is to
charge no less than $100 for her services. He drives away and
parks around the corner. A car pulls up with a man asking for
service. She tells him that it will be $100. He digs around in
his wallet and pulls out $30. He then asks what he can get for
the money. She asks him to wait there for a minute and tells
him that she would be right back. She runs around the corner
and explains to her husband that she has a customer that only
has $30 and asks what she can give him for it. The husband
tells her that she can give the man a hand job. She runs back
to the car with the man anxiously waiting for her return, and
tells him that she will give him a hand job. She gets into the
car and begins unzipping his pants. To her amazement, she pulls
out a rather large penis. She then asks the guy to wait there
for just a second more. She runs back around the corner and asks
her husband “Can he borrow $70?”

Your boyfriends so stuipd he stoped at stop sighn and wated till it said go.

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

He asks, “What for?”

She responds, “I want to kill my husband.”

He says, “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

He says, “You didn’t tell me you had a prescription…”

Submitted by Admin
Edited by Cirtis

A Rich Old Bitty, aged 65, decided that it was time to get married. She put
an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED, MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60’s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT
RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN
PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the
door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or
legs.
The woman said, You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just
look at you…you have no legs!
The old man smiled, Therefore I cannot run around on you!
She snorted. You don’t have any hands either!
Again the old man smiled, Nor can I beat you!
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. Are you still good in bed?
With that, the old gentleman beamed a broad smile and said, I rang the
doorbell didn’t I?

My brother said he’d tell me everything he knows.
He must have been speechless.

A man rushes home and kicks in the front door, yelling ” Pack your bags honey, ive just won the lottery!” “Oh thats wonderful!” shouts the wife. Should i pack for the beach, or pack for the mountains? ” I dont care” replies the man! “Just get the fuck out”

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it’s the only time he hears someone tell him, “Wow, that’s a big one!”

A woman was sick and tired of her husband’s drinking; so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan and, when her husband returned home drunk again, she leapt up from behind the couch, screaming.

“You don’t scare me,” the man said, looking her over calmly. “I married your sister.”