Category: rednecks

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London, and was in a hurry.

As they went by the Tower of London the cabbie explained what it
was and that construction started in 1346 and it was completed
in 1412, the Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like
that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”

House of Parliament next–Started construction in 1544,
completed 1618. “Hell boy, we put up a bigger one than that in
Dallas and it only took a year!”

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabby was silent. “Whoah!
What’s that over there?” “Damned if I know! It wasn’t there
yesterday…”

You’re a redneck if…. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the
bathtub.

You have a home that is mobile and 14 cars that aren’t.

Going to the bathroom includes shoes and a flashlight.

Everyday people come to your door mistakingly thinking you’re
having a yard sale.

People ask if they can hunt in your front yard.

You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

Your richest relative buys a new home and you have to help take
the wheels off of it.

A home improvement includes new hubcaps.

All you ever hear around the house is, “Will someone go and
jiggle the handle”.

Q: What is a Redneck’s defense in court?

A: “Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”

Q: Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?

A: It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Q: What do they call “Hee Haw” in West Virginia?

A: A documentary

Q: What do they call it in Kentucky?

A: “Life Styles of the Rich and Famous”

Q: How many rednecks does it take eat a ‘possum?

A: Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Q: Why did God invent armadillos?

A: So that rednecks can have ‘possum on the halfshell.

you might be a redneck if your grnadma can properly exicute the sleeper hold

You’re a redneck if…. You think the best way to keep things cold is to
levees in the shade.

You made a homemade hot tub with a trolling motor.

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous redhead eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her.
Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of her socket towards the man. With his quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.

“Oh my god, I am sooooo sorry,” the woman said as she popped her eye back in the socket. “Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you.”

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink.

They went back to her house, and after a bit she brought him into the bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night.

The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.

The guy was amazed. “You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”

“No, she replied…. You just happened to catch my eye!”

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The Kentuckian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.

“Want to go in the back seat?” she asked.

“Nope”, he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, �Now do you want to get in the back seat?�

“No, I don’t”, he said again, “I wanna stay here in the front seat with you.”

*Ring*

Tom Mabe: Hello?

Telemarketer: Yes? Is this Mr. Mabe?

Tom Mabe: Yes.

Telemarketer: Hi. This is Todd from “Bill’s Carpet Cleaning,”

Tom Mabe: Uh-huh.

Telemarketer: …and I’ve been telling people in your area about
a special one-time, 29–

Tom Mabe: Oh my God, I’m so glad you called… Can you get blood
out of the carpet?

Telemarketer: Um… Yeah, Yeah, we can do that…

Tom Mabe: Because, man, I’ve got blood all over the place, I’ve
got it on the floor, the couch, the drapes… It’s all over the
place..

Telemarketer: Ok Mr. Mabe, when would you like us to come over?

Tom Mabe: Can you come over right now.. Now would be good…

Telemarketer: Um… I’m not sure I can do that… We can
schedule for another time..

Tom Mabe: What’s your name? Todd?

Telemarketer: Yes, Todd.

Tom Mabe: Now, Todd. The law states that if someone comes into
your house, breaks into your house, you can shoot them, right?

Telemarketer: Um… I’m not sure if it says that, why do you
want me to call 911?

Tom Mabe: Do you think that applies to relatives?

Telemarketer: Yeah, I mean, I dunno.

Tom Mabe: No no no no, it’s ok… Now Todd, I need you to come
over right now… I mean what do you get paid per week? I’ll
double it.. I’ll by you a keg, what shoe size do you wear??

Telemarketer: 12.

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It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight.”Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox’s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn’t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, “Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!”Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a “One Question” math test and if he passes, he can graduate.The question is, “What is 2 plus 3?” Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, “I have it! The answer is 5!”There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, “Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!”