Category: rednecks

You got your tater gun hangin’ over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.You’ve ever entered yourself in a “Howdy Doody Look-alike” Contest.Your lips move while reading a stop sign.

You’re a redneck if….
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton
true-life story)

1. There are no dental records
2. All the DNA is the same.

Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded
him, “Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the
second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick
you up.”

The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled
the first cord. Nothing happened.

He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.

As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, “I’ll bet that truck won’t
be there either!”

You’re a redneck if …. You wrote in Richard Petty’s name on a presidential
ballot.

Jim bob wants to try out the new water-skis and he falls off on the second
curb.

Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast.

The first Texan said to the other, “Think we oughtta help?”
“Yep, reckon so”, says the second.

The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, “Can you breathe?”
She shakes her head, “no”.

“Can you speak?” he then asks.
She shakes her head, “no”, again.

With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt.

She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief.

The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, “Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!”

How do you castrate a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the mouth!

You’re a redneck if…. You ever financed a tattoo.

You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.

You might be a redneck if…

You won’t stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

Your dog can’t watch you eat without gagging.

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

Red Man sends you a Christmas card.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

Q: What do you call a bunch of rednecks chasing a kid around in a circle?
A: NASCAR