Category: rednecks

You’re a redneck if …. Anyone in your family died right after saying “Hey,
Y’all watch this!”.

You might be a redneck if…You go to the family reunion to pick up women. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.You can’t tell what color your car is because of the dirt. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture.None of your shirts cover your stomach. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones. You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland. You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.

Q: How do you srecomesize A redneck ?

A: Kick his sister in the chin!

You’ve ever re-used a paper plate.Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it.When you hear someone talking about the king you don’t know whether they’re talking about Elvis or Richard Petty.

40. Oh I just couldn’t. Hell, she’s only sixteen.
39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won’t fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can’t feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Grace land was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
30. Wrestling�s fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Green peace?
28. We’re vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.
24. Who’s Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I’ll have the argali and radicchio salad.
15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fianc�e, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here’s an episode of “He Haw” that we haven’t seen.
05. I don’t have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin tonight.

Your birth announcement included the word “rug rat”.You’ve ever hitchhiked naked.You’re turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers decided that the brush was invented in West Virginia because “If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.”

You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”.You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”.You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues.

A pretty woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when the car breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, “Oh, it’s Sunday night and my car broke down! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?””Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messin’ with my sons Jed and Luke.”She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. “Okay,” she says.After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?”They say, “Huh?”She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.” She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, “Luke?”Luke says, “Yeah, Jed?”Jed says, “You remember that woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?””Yeah,” says Luke, “I remember.””Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed.”Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not.””Me, neither,” says Jed, “Let’s take these things off.”

You might be a redneck if…You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it. You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan. Warp drive describes the condition of your car. Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell. You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”. You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday and you like it. Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours. When you say, “Let’s hit the hay,” you actually MEAN it. You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald’s Extra Value Meal. Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds. You have a clawfoot bathtub.You’ve ever been arrested for bootleggin’. You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights. Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite. Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away. You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wife�s birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary. You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are.Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts. You think a computer hacker carries an axe.

You know your a redneck if you go shopping for your mother, sister and aunt and only buy one gift.

You’re a redneck if…

-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny’s a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is “Does this look infected to you?”
-You ask your wife wheather the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies “Its a gummy bear.”
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say “Watch this” everytime before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.