Category: rednecks

What do you call 32 rednecks in one room? a full set of teeth!

If your father walkes your mother down the ile on your weading day. you might be a redneck

Bikers back down from your momma.You were shooting pool when your kids were born.Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Name:
(_) Billy-Bob
(_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)

Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Unemployed

Spouse’s Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________
Father’s Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_)The National Enquirer
(_)The Globe
(_)TV Guide
(_)Soap Opera Digest

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable

Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don’t know

You might be a Redneck if you dining room floor is “spay-on truck bed liner”.

© Lynn Duerksen May 2005

Did you hear about the redneck that died and left his money to his widow? His
will says she can’t touch it until she�s 14! did u hear bout’ the redneck that
died and left his title deed to his widow, she can’t touch it till’ she’s 14
LOLL ha

You might be a redneck if someone says do the hoedown you through your girlfriend on the ground

you are a redneck if you work with your shirt off and so does your husband.

You’re a redneck if….
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to “Georgia on My
Mind”.

Two buddies were speeding through the great state of Alabama when to their surprise, out pops a state trooper and pulls them over. The state trooper approaches the driver side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The driver rows the window down. The state trooper smacks him on the back of the head and ask for license and registration. The trooper then proceeds to write him a ticket and has the driver sign it. But, just before leaving, the trooper walks around to the passenger side of the vehicle and taps on the window. The passenger rows the window and smack the trooper goes upside his head. The passenger says, “What was that for?”The trooper says, “Just making all your dreams come true!” The passenger confused and dazed says, what? Trooper replies, when you get down the road there a ways you’re going to say to your buddy,”I wish he would have tried that shit with me!”

The worst day of your life was when you dropped your bottle of Jack Daniels the other day.The best day of your life was when you found an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels “over yonder in them hills.”Your mustache is longer than your wife’s hair.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.Your brother-in-law is your uncle.You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.