Category: rednecks

You’re a redneck if….
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin
Sue-Ellen to walk by.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery.

He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

The Redneck says, I want my $20 million.

The man replied, No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million
today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.

The Redneck said, Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want
it.

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest
during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, Look, I want my money! If
you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar
back!

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives.
Henry started by saying, “I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin’ on me with a carpenter!”

Tom answered, “Ya, I think my wife is not faithful either.
The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she is cheatin’ on me with a plumber!”

Otis then joins in and says, “Well, if you think that’s bad, I’ve got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed.

I think my Lina is cheatin’ on me with a horse!”

Your idea of a seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.You’ve ever spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.

You know you are a redneck when you go to a family reunion just to meet girls

you know you are a redneck when you only go to the laudry mat just to watch T.V

A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. “Damn it” he said.He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn’t believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up and walked over to the farm yard.He walked up to his wife very irate and shouted at her “I told you to bring me over a pair of pliers for my tractor, it was broken down” His wife snapped back “yeah, but I told you, there was a pair in the box under the seat”.

You know you’re a redneck when you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).

You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.Your neighbor spits grass when he talks.In the delivery room, your husband says,”That’s worse than skinning a deer!”

You might be a redneck if you cook your cookies on the grill!

Ever hear of the redneck who thought that “Manual Labor” was the new Mexican President?

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci