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Q. what do you calla niggar with soe boots?
A. an alabama wind chime
Q. what do apples and niggars have in common?
A. they both hang from trees
Q.what do you say when you wake up and your t.v. is floatin?
A. drop it niggar
Q. what do niggars have in common?
A. no one cares if they see them drangin behind a truck.
The National Poetry Contest had come down to the last two, a Yale graduate and
a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, and then they were allowed two
minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The
word that they were given was “Timbuktu�.
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone
and said:
Slowly across the desert sand trekked a lonely caravan; Men on camels, two by
two Destination Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The
redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a hunting’ went. Met three whores in a pop up tent. They was three,
and we was two, so I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The redneck won hands down!
You might be a redneck if…
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this.”
A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said, ‘Hey fellow, why are you doing this?’ The man replied, ‘Well, I have nothing to live for.’ The Alabama man replied, ‘Well, think of your wife and children!’ The jumper replied, ‘I have no wife or children.’ The Alabama man then said, ‘Well, then think of your mother and father!’ The man replied, ‘Mom and Dad passed on many years back.’ The Alabama man then said, ‘Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!’ The would-be jumper replied, ‘Who?’ With that the Alabama man said, ‘Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump’
if the total at a resteraunt is ten bucks and you pay them with deer bodies.
You own a denim leisure suit.
You clean your nails with a stick.You prefer car keys to Q-tips.Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of the trains.””What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector.”Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Billy Bob, “and I’d use the manual lever over there.””What if that had been struck by lightning?””Then,” Billy Bob continued, “I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.””What if the phone was busy?””Well in that case,” persevered Billy Bob, “I’d rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.””What if that was vandalized?””Oh, well then I’d run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.”This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”Billy Bob answered, “Well, Uncle Lester ain’t never seen a train wreck!”
How do hillbillies celebrate Halloween?
They pump kin.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
You’re a redneck if…. During your senior year you and your mother had
homeroom together.
After years of his wife’s pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher’s sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, “Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!”
The Preacher replied, “Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please…I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use the Lord’s name in vain!”
The man said, “I’m sorry Reverend, but I can’t help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!”
The Reverend said, “Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church”!
The man said, “Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!”
And the Reverend said, “NO SHIT?!”