Category: rednecks

You’ve ever spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass.

ur father so bald wen he put on a turtleneck he look like a roller on

So a dude turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, “Hey, you wanna hear a redneck story?”

The guy says, “Buddy, I’m six feet, 210 pounds, an’ ma name’s Billy Joe. You see the guy on the other side of you? That there’s Bubba. He’s 225 pounds of solid muscle and he’s a redneck. And the boy next to him? Mike’s a trucker who weighs 295 and he’s a redneck, too. Now, do you still want to tell your redneck story?”

The fella says, “Naw, you’re right. . . I’d hate to have to explain it three times!”

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Bubba”.
4. There’s a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There’s a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged. AND the number 1 way to tell if a Redneck has been working on a computer is…
1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.

you have 4 or more billy basses in your house.
your definition of fast food is hitting a deer with your truck.
your dad walks you to school because you and him are in the same grade.
you think that silence of the lambs is when you walk into the barn and the lambs are quiet.
when someone says it is a howdown you throw your girlfriend on the ground. you put a quarter in a parking meter and wait for a gumball to come out. you stand at a stopsign and wait for it to turn green

You know you’re a redneck if you lose your camouflage truck.

–When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly
so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.
–If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers
covering the label.
–Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile
home costs just as much as yours.

HOW DO YOU CIRCUMSIZE A REDNECK ??…..KICK HIS SISTER IN THE CHIN .

toyr so fat that you broke the weight limit to a sidewalk

REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION Last name: ________________
(Check appropriate box) First name: First name:

[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation: [_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Spouse’s Name: __________________________ 3rd Spouse’s Name: __________________________ Lover’s Name: __________________________ 2nd Lover’s Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___ Number of children living in shed: ___ Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother’s Name: _______________________ Father’s Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:

___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck ____ kitchen ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe [_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest [_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO =

___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis ___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: =

[_] Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road?

[_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don’t know

Your master bathroom has the words “porta” and “potty” written on the side.You can’t take a bath in the winter ’cause the stream is frozen.You only bathe when it rains.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just “misunderstood”.