Category: rednecks

Some rednecks were sitting around talking about how smart their dogs were. One redneck spoke up and said, “I’ll tell you what boys, I house trained my hound dog Jake when he was just a pup. When he pooped on the floor, I would stick his nose in it and throw him out the door.””Now,” he continued, “when he poops on the floor, he sticks his own nose in it and jumps out the window.”

What do GaY horses eat!?

HHHHhhhhhaaaayyyyyyy !!!

You know your a redneck if……

…your family tree is shaped like a wreath.

A Southern Belle and a Yankee Woman were sat next to each other
on a plane. As they flew, the Southern Belle began to make
conversation with the Yankee Woman, and finally she got to the
question “Well , where are you from?” The Yankee Woman typically
replied “I come from a place where we don’t end our sentences in
prepositions.” The Southern Belle sat for a while and then said
“So Where are you from bitch?”

There was a recent study done on the last words of fatal car accident victims in the United States. 49% of the last words of victims from the U.S. were ‘Oh Shit!!!!’ Only in the South, however, were these words spoken before they died…’Hey yall, hold my beer can and watch this!’

You’re a redneck if…

-You have more fingers than you do teeth
-You cut your grass and find a car
-You consider Denny’s a Fancy Resturant
-Your best Suit contains more than 5 colors
-Your age is higher than your I.Q.
-Your favorite pickup line is “Does this look infected to you?”
-You ask your wife wheather the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies “Its a gummy bear.”
-You have a family reunion and everyone in town shows up.
-You say “Watch this” everytime before you goto the hospital.
-Your wife and ex-wife are sisters.

When do you know you are a southern redneck?

When you go to Mardi Gras parades to stock up on underwear.

You might be a redneck if…You don’t know what a redneck is.You’re still upset that they canceled “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You thought ER was ET’s cousin.You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars. You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway. You refer to your dog as the dishwasher. Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color. You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot. You can name all the characters from the “Dukes of Hazzard”. You recite lines from “The Dukes of Hazzard”. You keep track of all the belt holders in all the wrestling leagues. You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel. You search your computer monitor for the dial that changes channels. Your idea of a fancy dessert is “moon pie ala mode”. You just bought your family their lst Atari game system. You and your wife celebrate your anniversay at the K-mart cafeteria. You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have sucessful repair projects to prove it. You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee.

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays.

He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, “Where does you go to school?”

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question, “Yale,” she replied.

The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and yelled, “WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown

You’re a redneck if…. You ever parked a Camero in a tree.

Three Guys Ran there Pickup Truck Off Of a Bridge.The Two Men In The Cab Got Out Alive. But The One In The Bed Drowned. He Couldnt Get The Tail Gate Down.

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says, ‘Honey, I have something to tell you. I’m a virgin.’ The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father’s house. When he gets there, his father says, ‘Son, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon!’ The son says, ‘Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She’s a virgin!’ ‘God, son! You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn’t good enough for her family, she sure as heck isn’t good enough for ours!’