Category: rednecks

Tennessee folks make fun of their northern Virginian neighbors with this quip:You know why birds fly upside down over Scott County, Virginia?”Cause there ain’t nothin’ worth shittin’ on up there!”

If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.You’ve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife.

If your toddler has more teeth than you, you might just be a redneck.

Once, a redneck asked me : “what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?””what?””Nothing – you’ve already told her TWICE!!!”

One day a hillbilly is driving down the road and sees two hitch
hikers. He’s a fairly nice fellow and decides to pick them up.
He can instantly tell that they are a little strange but doesn’t
really worry about it. They’re driving down the road a little
when they hit a bump and one of the hitch hikers lets out an
airy fart. The hillbilly looks over and wonders what is wrong
with that guy. They drive down the road a little more when they
hit another bump and the other hitch hiker lets out and airy
fart. Now the hillbilly wants to laugh because there gas is
just pitiful. He decides to show them what real country gas is
like. So he sits there and tries to work up alot of gas when he
hits a bump and lets out a giant, deafening fart. Now he is
impressed but the hitch hikers are wondering whats wrong. They
start giving each other odd looks when one turns to the other
and exclaims “VIRGIN”

Your best ashtray is a turtle shell. 252.Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.You think cur is a breed of dog.People hear your car long before they see it.

a rednek goes to a mart and wins 20 million dallars.
“gimme my money” he says
“we can give you ten million now and the rest is spread out over 19 years.” said th shop keeper
“i want it now!” said the rednek.
The shop keeper explains ,calmly, again.
“I WANT IT NOW! IF YOU ARENT GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!” SAID THE REDNEK

Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?

She can’t touch it till she’s fourteen.

Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure

Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right

Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name_________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: _________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: _________________

Lover’s Name: ________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: ___________________

Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____

Mother’s Name: ___________________
Father’s Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed

Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable

Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what’s a miles?

You might be a redneck if…You think a chain saw is a musical instrument. You’ve ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is “What the h–l are you looking at, Sh-thead?”You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups. You’ve ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin’?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!)You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. You’ve ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom. You clean your nails with a stick.You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

You’re a redneck if…. Your child’s first words are “Attention K-Mart
shoppers!”.

You might be a Redneck if…

Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, “The feud is back on!”

There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife’s hairdo attracts bees.

Your baby’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers.”

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You picked your teeth from a catalog.

You’ve ever financed a tattoo.