Category: rednecks

� You have ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all�.
� Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
� You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
� At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
� You can easily describe the taste of an Wok.
� You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
� The worst part of spending time on Deborah is the dad gum skitters.
� Woolies are offended by your BO.
� You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have
to wait for a commercial.
� You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
� Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, come on over to the dark
side…it’ll be a hoot.”
� You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to
get the barbecue grill to light up.
� You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
� You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
� You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through
the window.
� Although you had to kill him, you kind of thought that Jabber the Hut had a
pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
� You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
� You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
� You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
� If you hear, “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”

There were three police men in a car, one redneck and two city guys.

“you never tell jokes” said one of city guy.

“so”said the the redneck

“why”

“because i was never at telling jokes and making one up”

“Try to make somethig up”

“ok”
“Knock, knock.”

“Who is there”

“Go fuck yourself”

The two men in the back seat di no get it while the redneck sat there driving and cracking up.

Q:whats the difference between stuff and stuff?
A:I just dont know!

fuck you shithead

The Louisiana State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held in the area around LaFayette, and duly dispatched the infamous detective Desormeaux to investigate.

He reported to his sergeant the next morning.

“Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin'” he began.

“Good work. Who are they?” the sergeant asked.

Desormeaux replied confidently, “De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia.”

Puzzled, the sergeant asked, “How did you find that out in one night?”

“Well,” he replied, “I went down and done seen dat cock fight. I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight.”

The sergeant nodded, “I’ll buy that. But what about the others?”

Desmoreaux intoned knowingly, “Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when summbody bet on de duck.”

“Ah, sighed the sergeant, “And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?”

“De duck won.”

You have all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes on tape.You can give a summary of all the “Dukes of Hazzard” episodes.You think that Roe v. Wade is a decision you make when crossing the creek.

You might be a redneck if you mow your lawn and you find a car.

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Budweisers.
The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it’s a po-leece roadbloack! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!!”

Don’t worry Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the label and stick it on out forheads, then throw the bottles under the seat.”

“What fer?” asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, okay?” said Earl.

They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “Have you boys been drinking?”

“No sir,” said Earl, “We’re on the patch.”

–A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.
–Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners
are.
–Be considerate of your guests. Point out in advance where the
injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa.
–If your dog falls in love with a guest’s leg, have the decency to leave them
alone for a few minutes.

A redneck was standing in the middle of the road yelling, “57! 57!” A blonde saw her doing this so she ran to the middle of the road and started yelling, “57! 57!”.

A tractor trailer was coming down the road towards them at about 60 miles per hour, so the redneck jumped to the side of the road. The blonde, however, got hit by the truck and got smeared all over the road.

Then the redneck jumped back on the road and started yelling, “58! 58!”

you have a complete salad bowl set with the words “Cool Whip” on the side.

You’re a redneck if….
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures.