Category: rednecks

Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.You’ve been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. They
placed the message “HE’S LYING” in the copier, and pressed the copy button each
time they thought the suspect wasn’t telling the truth. Believing the “lie
detector” was working, the suspect confessed to the police.

You’re a redneck if…. You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an
overpass.

You might be a redneck if you go fishing and then to McDonald’s on your honeymoon.

There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears.Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could hardly contain himself. “Are you a Quaker”? he asked as he was trying to ring up the merchandise.”Yes,” the tall man said with a little edge in his voice.”No joke?” asked the clerk, “You’re really a real Quaker?”The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, “Yes, I am a real Quaker.””Wow!” the young clerk said, “I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?” asked the clerk.The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up.As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, “Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?”The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply.The man said, “Screw Thee.”

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.
“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further… Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?”

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a Ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost?!? I thought you said ‘goats!'”

You use your mailbox to hold up one end of your clothesline.

Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right’.

u work out side with out your shirt on and so does your husband

What has ten teeth and is thrity feet long? Answer: The front row of a Willie Nelson Concert….

You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job–primer red and primer gray.The tobacco chewers in your family aren’t just men.

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.