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Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer.
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is “Huntin”.
4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
1. The mouse is referred to as a “critter”.
Your a redneck if you stare at a orange juice bottle just because it says concentrate.
You might be a redneck if, your wife’s hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan! You might be a redneck if, you refuse to slide during a softball game because you don’t want to crush your cigarettes! You might be a redneck if, you’re mowing your lawn and find a car. You might be a redneck If, you were shooting pool when any of your children were born! You might be a redneck if, you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table. You might be a redneck if, the interviewer asks, ‘”Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?'” And you answer, ‘”What track do y’all sponsor that race at? I ain’t been to that one yet.” You might be a redneck If, you’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog! You are a redneck if your prom date is your brother, or if you went to the prom in your father’s pickup truck! You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree your dog does!
Arkansas….3 Million People15 Last Names
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You’re a redneck if …. Your father fully executes the “pull my finger” gag
during Christmas dinner.
You might just be a redneck if your porch collapses and kills more than 5
dogs.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner’s name, refer to him (or her) as “Bubba.” You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can’t be fried in bacon grease, it ain’t worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: “Y’all” is singular. “All y’all” is plural. “All y’all’s” is plural possessive.
9. Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”
10. Don’t be worried that you don’t understand anyone. They don’t understand you either.
11. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
12. Be advised: The “He needed killin'” defense is valid here.
13. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
14. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this!” stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
15. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
16. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car’s windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
17. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
18. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
19. Florida is not considered a Southern State. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
20. If you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
You think those yellow traffic signs that say “Slow children at play” means the kids in the area are not too bright.At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.You think “Country & Western” covers both types of music.
The sugar cane farm outside of Crowley Louisiana closes down and 2 Cajuns find
themselves out of work. They can’t find any work, so one of their friends
suggests they visit the state job office in Lafayette.
The job man asks Tibedeaux what he does for a living. Tibedeaux says, “I’m a
pilot�. The man says, “Oh good. We got lots of jobs for deem dare pilots. You go
sit over dere and we get you fixed right up.” Beaming, Tibedeaux goes to sit
down.
Next, the man asks Boudreaux the same question. Boudreaux say, “Well…
all I ever done is cut down dat sugar cane.” The man says, “Oh. Dat not so good.
Not a lot of sugar cane jobs dis year. I might not be able to help you.”
Boudreaux, he gets mad. He says, “Hey! You tell me you can’t help me but you
gonna fix my friend up over dere. What’s da matter wid you?”
The man replies that Tibeadeaux is a pilot. Boudreaux replies: “Well… if I
don’t cut it, how he gonna pile it, huh?”
You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
You’re a redneck if …. Your two year old has more teeth than you do.