Yours Fun Portal !
Hillbilly father talking to his newlywed son: How’s yer new bride?
Son: I had to kill her, Pa. She was a virgin.
Dad: Yew done tha right thang, son. If she weren’t good enuf fer her own kin, then she ain’t good enuf fer ours!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?”
Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of the trains.”
“What if the lever broke?” asked the inspector.
“Then I’d dash down out of the signal box,” said Billy Bob, “and I’d use the manual lever over there.”
“What if that had been struck by lightning?”
“Then,” Billy Bob continued, “I’d run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box.”
“What if the phone was busy?”
“Well in that case,” persevered Billy Bob, “I’d rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there.”
“What if that was vandalized?”
“Oh, well then I’d run into town and go get my Uncle Lester.”
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, “Why would you do that?”
Billy Bob answered, “Well, Uncle Lester ain’t never seen a train wreck!”
It’s 10:00 at the police station. The only officers working that night are Billy-Bob and Billy-Joe. And the power goes out and stays out all night. But this doesn’t bother them.
Billy-Bob: Billy-Joe can I stick my finger in you’r belly-button?
Billy-Joe: Sure Billy-Bob.
A few hours later…..
Billy-Bob: Billy-Joe can I stick my finger in you’r belly-button?
Billy-Joe: Sure Billy-Bob.
It’s midnight…..
Billy-Bob: Billy-Joe can I stick my finger in you’r belly-button?
Billy-Joe: Sure Billy-Bob.
Billy-Joe: Billy-Bob that’s not my belly-button…
Billy-Bob: I know . . . and that’s not my finger.
An italian, a mexican, and a redneck constuction worker all sat down one day to eat their lunch on top of a building they were working on. The italian opens his lunch and looks in and says “Salami again! If I get salami one more day, I’m gonna jump off this building” The mexican opens his lunch and says “Burrito again! If I get a burrito one more day, I am gonna jump off this building” The redneck opens his lunch and says “P-nut butter and jelly again! If I get p-nut butter and jelly one more day, I am gonna jump off this building. The next day at lunch, the Italian opens his lunch and finds salami so he jumps off the building. The mexican opens his lunch and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building. The redneck opens his lunch and finds p-nut butter and jelly so he jumps off the building. Later, at the funeral the Italians wife cries out “I didn’t know he disliked salami so much” The mexican’s wife cries out “I wish I knew he was so sick of burrito’s” The redneck wife says “Hey, don’t look at me, he always fixed his own lunch!”
Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police department.
A honeymooning couple was passing through Louisiana. When they were approaching Lafayette, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they got to the town, where they decided to stop for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, the man said, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us. Would you very slowly pronounce where we are.”
The guy behind the corner leaned over and said, “Burrrrrrrr gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing”
You refer to your dog as the dishwasher.Your car is made out of 17 others and each part is a different color.You repair your car in the autoparts store parking lot.
You know your a redneck if your gunrack has a gunrack on it.
During your wedding, when you kissed the bride, your John Deere hat fell off.
What has ten teeth and is thrity feet long? Answer: The front row of a Willie Nelson Concert….
10. You scratch your back with a toilet brush.
9. your dad walks you to school because you are in the same
grade.
8. you call 5th grade your senior year.
7. your grandma and your aunt went to a funeral and the faught
over who was the window.
6. you watch Joe Dirt and you don’t get it
5. your name is Joe Dirt.
4. you think Kid Rock is a World leader.
3. you stare at the orange juice box for hours because it say
concentrate.
2. your pumpkin has more teeth than your wife.
1. you have been married 4 times and you still have the same
in-laws
IF YOUR GUN RACK HAS A GUN RACK.