Category: rednecks

You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.

You’re a redneck if…. You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.

The Origin of Chapstick

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

“Howdy, stranger…”

“Howdy, Sheriff…”

The cowboy then moved slowly to then back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.

“Hold on, Mister…”

“Sheriff?”

“Did I just see what I think I just saw?”

“Reckon you did, Sheriff…I got me some powerful chapped lips…”

“And that cures them?”

“Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ em!

You’re a redneck if…. In tough situations you ask yourself, “What would
Curly do?”.

You might be a redneck if… Chrisman
You’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

How to say…..”I Love You”
in Different Languages

English………I Love You
Spanish……..Te Amo
French………Je T’aime
German……..Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese……Ai Shite Imasu
Italian………..Ti Amo
Chinese……..Wo Ai Ni
Swedish…….Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo………Nagligivaget
Greek………..S’Agapo
Hawaiian…….Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish………….Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew………Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian……..Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian…….Une Te Dua
Finnish………Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish………Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian….Se Ret Lay
Persian……..Du Stet Daram
Maltese……..ien Inhobbok
Catalan……..Testimo Molt

Redneck ……Nice Tits

Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

You’ve ever made change in the offering plate.

If the fifth grade is referred to as “your senior year�.

You’ve been on TV more than five times describing the sound of a tornado.

You’re probably a redneck if you can burp and say your name at the same time.

Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer.You picket your horses on your lawn so you won’t have to mow it.You’re wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver’s license pic.

You may be the redneck if

… your stall warning plays “Dixie�.

… your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as check points.

… you think sectionals charts should show trailer parks.

… you’ve ever used moonshine as avgas.

… you have mud flaps on your wheel pants.

… you think GPS stands for going perfectly straight.

… your toothpick keeps poking your mike.

… you constantly confuse Beech craft with Beechnut.

… just before impact, you are heard saying, “Hey y’all, watch this!”

… you have a black airplane with a big #3 on the side.

… you’ve ever just taxied around the airport drinking beer.

… you use a Purina feed bag for a windsock.

… you fuel your wiz bang 140 from a Mason jar.

… you wouldn’t be caught dead flying’ a Grumman “Yankee�.

… you refer to flying in formation as “We got ourselves a convoy!”

… there is a sign on the side of your aircraft advertising your septic tank
service.

… when you are the owner of Red Neck Airlines and pilot of Redneck
One.

… you subscribe to The Southern Aviator because of the soft paper!

… you have ever incorporated sheetrock into the repair of your aircraft.

… you have ever responded to ATC with the phrase “That’s a big 10-4!”

… you typically answer female controllers with titles like “sugar” or
“little darling’.”

… she responds with the words “Honey” or “Big guy” then she may be a
redneck.

… you have ever used a relief tube as a spittoon.

… you glance down at your belt buckle to help you remember your N-number.

… you have ever tried to impress your girlfriend by buzzing her doublewide.

… the preprinted portion of your weight and balance sheet contains “Case of
Bud�.

… your go/no-go checklist includes the words “Shoal” or “Redman�.

Q. What would you call a Redneck who has successfully completed the 3rd grade?A. Smart!

A red neck dials 911 in a panic and the dialog goes:

Redneck: Operatur, we need some help here, we got some lady floppin around haven a heart attack or somethin. Git someone here quick!

Operator: Look sir, just calm down. You need to tell me where you are. Where are you?

Redneck: We’re over here at 909 Eucalyptus street..

Operator: O.k. sir, can you spell that for me?

Redneck: (long pause) Um,I’m gonna drag her on over to Oak street, umkay? Meet you on the corner.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, “Oh, S—!”

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”