Category: rednecks

What’d the monkey say when he pissed on the cash register. That’ll soon run
into money.

You might be a redneck if your ma has ever run out of the bathroom and said ” Ya’ll come look at this ‘fore I flush it.

So anyway this hillbilly took his girl up to lovers peak. They sat down on a log. After a bit Judi says to Jon, “Aren’t the stars purty tonite?”

Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

Judi says “Jon, aren’t the moon purty tonite”.

Jon says “Sure is Judi”.

After a bit Judi says, “Jon, whisper something soft and mushy in my ear”.

So Jon leans over and whispers “‘Shit'”

What do you find in a hunters shack?

Doe Nuts

Y’might be a redneck, if you clean your toilet by peein’ on the stains!

You’re a redneck if…. You can belch and say your name at the same time.

Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue’s And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, Which excite me in May. You ain’t got no scales But I luv you anyway.

You’re as graceful as okry Jist a-dancin’ in the pan. Yo’re as fragrant as SunDrop Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud; I hold my head high When we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits, Well, I’m in hawg heaven, I’m plumb outta my wits.

And speakin’ of wits, You’ve got plenty fer shore. ‘Cuz you married me Back in ’74.

Still them fellers at work They all want to know, What I did to deserve Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape Yo’re there fer yore man, To patch up life’s troubles And stick ’em in the can.

Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler Racin’ through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger Named Naomi Judd.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug A-buzzin’ overhead. You ain’t mean like no far ant Upon which I oft’ tread.

Cut from the best pattern Like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight Like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin’. Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin’.

And when you get old Like a ’57 Chevy, Won’t put you on blocks And let grass grow up heavy.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie With a RC cold drank, We go together Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate For Valentine’s Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, It’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses On that special day From the cooler at Kroger. “That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds From a flea market booth. “Diamonds are forever,” They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, These will not do. For you are too special, You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor, Better than diamonds it’s a new ridin’ mower.

You don’t know what a redneck is.You’re still upset that they canceled “The Dukes of Hazzard”.You thought ER was ET’s cousin.

You know you are a redneck when the only pool u have is a sees pool.

what do you call a cow that drives a bus?
mrs. connie!

How do you circumcise a redneck?

KICK HIS SISTER IN THE CHIN

You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.You can chew your own toenails.You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.