Category: rednecks

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade.You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

you might be a redneck if your dishes are cool whip bowls

You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.On stag night, you take a real deer.Your back porch is bigger than your house.

Your dog’s shots are up to date but your children’s aren’t.You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples.Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.

You think the vowels are E..I..E..I..O.You clean your car or truck out with a leaf blower.Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.

You might be a redneck if…More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. You’ve ever used lard in bed.Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. You’ve ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame

A young ventriloquist is touring in the Southeast and stops to CLICK HERE!tain
in a bar in Alabama. He’s going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a
big burly guy in he audience stands and says threateningly, “I’ve heard just
about enough of your smarts hillbilly jokes–we isn�t all stupid here in
Alabama!!”
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts
him and say,� You stay out of this mister–I’m talking to the smarts little fell
on your knee!”

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services.

He directed that a Air Force base nearby to a Redneck town be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited to come and see it.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, “Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man looks at him and says, “I’m a pilot!”

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, “Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!”

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, “What skills to you bring to the Air Force?”

The young man says, “I chop wood!”

“Son,” the general replies, “we don’t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?”

“I chop wood!”

“Young man,” huffs the general, “you are not listening to me, we don’t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!”

“Well,” the young man says, “you hired my brother!”

“Of course we did,” says the general, “he’s a pilot!”

The young man rolls his eyes and says, “Dang it, I have to chop it before he can pile it!”

You might be a redneck if…Your momma doesn’t remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states. You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin’ dog. You’re an expert on worm beds.The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!”Your family tree does not fork.The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls. You haul more than U-Haul.

You’re a redneck if…. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a
haircut.

You think that Marlboro is a cologne.Your best coat is a black and red checkered.You put your Christmas lights up 2 weeks after taking them down.

If one family was pore whith only a cloke whine its raining.How would thay serfiva?