Category: rednecks

You’ve ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn’t spit it out.Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.

The town gossip (and supervisor of the town’s morals) recently
accused a local man of being an alcoholic because she saw his
pickup truck parked outside the town’s only bar.

The man stared at her for a moment, said nothing, and walked
away.

Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her
house and left it there all night.

Q. How do Rednecks engage in oral sex?A. They go to opposite ends of the trailer, and shout “**** you” at each other.

Two Rednecks went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another!”

You might be a redneck if you let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kid.

You might be a redneck if you think �wind sprints� means
running from a fart.

you know your a redneck if you go to mcdonalds to get your weekly supply of toilet paper

The young redneck had just gotten married and, nervous about his wedding night, snuck out and paid his father a visit.”Pop,” he drawled, “Ah’m jest not sure Ah know what t’do.” “It’s simple,” said his father.”Remember the stiff thing you used to play with when you were a boy? Just take it out and stick it where yer honey pisses.” Filled with confidence, the boy ran home and, grabbing his baseball bat, threw it in the outhouse.

Southern Bumper Stickers…=> The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. => I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. => Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them. => I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. => WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. => You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me. => BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore. => I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made. => So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute! => I’m just driving this way to piss you off. => Keep honking, I’m reloading. => As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. => I took an IQ test and the results were negative. => Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. => Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes

You might be a redneck if…Birds are attracted to your beard.The diploma hanging in your den contains the words “Trucking Institute”. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest. You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your momma.You were shooting pool when your kids were born. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”.

Your pocketknife often doubles as a toothpick.

Did you hear they found a new use for sheep in Alabama?

Wool.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci