Category: rednecks

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Arky said to the doctor “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”

So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

These two redneck fells think that they’ve moved pretty far up in the world,
and that the only way that they can better themselves is to further their
education. So the one goes to the college administrator to sign up for some
classes. The administrator immediately signs him up for math, English, history,
and logic.

” Logic? Was’ logic?”

” Logic is, well. Let me put it to you this way. Do you have a weed eater?”

” I sure do.”

” Then, since you have a weed eater, I can assume that you have a yard.”

” Well I’ll be tarred and feathered! How did you know that?”

” I used logic. Now by diving even further, I can say that if you have a yard
then you must have a house.”

” By golly you’re right.”

” And since you have a house, I can assume that you have a wife.”

” Yeah I do, you’re amazing!”

” And finally, since you have a wife, I can come to the conclusion that you
are heterosexual.”

” I have been since before I can remember. Wow! This logic is some amazing
stuff.”

So the fell goes home that night and runs into his buddy, and his
buddy asks:” So wad yaw sign up far?”

” Well I’m going to take me some math, English, history and logic.”

” Logic? Was’ logic?”

” Here let me put it to you this way. You got a weed eater?”

” Nope.”

” You’re queer isn�t yaw?”

The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn…”Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.Your grandfather completely executes the “pull my finger” trick at the family reunion.

Two rednecks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking
boilermakers, buying rounds & eye hawing�!

When asked why the celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw
puzzle & it only took them 2 months!

“TWO MONTHS?” cried the bartender. “That’s ridiculous. It shouldn’t take that
long!!”

“Oh yeah?” says one redneck. “The box said 2 – 4 YEARS!

It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won’t be able to graduate tonight.”

Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox’s football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn’t going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, “Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!”

Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a “One Question” math test and if he passes, he can graduate.

The question is, “What is 2 plus 3?” Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, “I have it! The answer is 5!”

There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, “Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!”

You or one of your relatives is named Cletus.Your grandfather can sense a storm coming by a mysterious twitching in his knee.The make, model, and license plate number of your truck are obscured by a layer of mud.

You might be a redneck if your jack-o-latern has more teeth than your wife.

One late evening a redneck named Aldo came out of the local pub a little drunk.He got into his pickup truck and started driving home. He was on a lonely stretch of the road, when all of a sudden a piston blew right through the engine hood. Aldo gets out of his pickup truck, angry as ‘hell’ and kicks the door real hard out of frustration and starts walking down the lonely road. About twenty minutes later, a pickup truck with a bunch of fellow rednecks riding in the back of the truck came along and stopped. On of the fellas called out, “Whats the matter ole’ friend?” Aldo says, “Piston-broke!” The same fella calls back, “Ya! we’re pissn’d and broke too. Get in the truck.”

“Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?””I’m calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.””Thank you very much for the call, sir.”The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob’s house.”Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?””Yeah!” “Did they chop your firewood?””Yep.””Merry Christmas Buddy”

u might be a redneck if u have ever compared the size of your wiener with your dogs.

u might be a redneck if you have a cobard full of sauce packets form fast food restaurants.

u might be a redneck if u are married to your cousin and didnt know it.

you might be a redneck if u got your computer at a yard sale.

you might be a redneck if u hold your beer between your legs while driving.

you might be a redneck if u are still being breast fed.

you might be a redneck if u have a singing frog in every room.

you might be a redneck if when u kill a deer u say “whew i never fought that hard before.”

you might be a redneck if u have a dish washer and still wash dishes in your sink.

you might be a redneck if your front door is card board.

you might be a redneck if u go to las vegas with a grand and come back with nothing.

you might be a redneck if you 30 and still living in your parents basement.

you might be a redneck if you are changing a electrical wire and you say “stand back and watch the sparks fly.”

you might be a redneck if your family car is your tractor.

You Just Might Be A Redneck If…

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this!”

You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’ You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.” Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You might be a redneck if…someone yells “HO-DOWN” and your wife hits the floor.