Category: quotes

24 questions from George Carlin’s warped brain

Posted on by admin

: 24 questions from George Carlin’s warped brain:1. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?2. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?3. Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?4. What’s another word for synonym?5. Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do: ‘practice’?6. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?7. When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?8. Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?9. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?10. Why do they report power outages on TV?11. What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?12. Is it possible to be totally partial?13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?14. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?16. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?17. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?18. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?19. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?20. Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?21. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?22. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?23. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Quiz

Posted on by admin

This quiz has been around since we were kids. Remember the
answers?

1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where
should the survivors be buried?
2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark?
3. How many months have 28 days?
4. How far can a bear walk into the woods?
5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.?
6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have?
7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile
east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to
arrive at her camp. What color is the bear?
8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg
roll to the left side or to the right side?
9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66
miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35
miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow?
10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers?

ANSWERS:

1. You don’t bury survivors.
2. Moses didn’t have an Ark, Noah did.
3. All twelve of them.
4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods.
5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC.
6. One (spiraling) on each side.
7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is
white.
8. Roosters don’t lay eggs, chickens do.
9. Electric trains don’t blow smoke.
10. The outside.

Sayings you’d like to see on office inspirational posters

Posted on by admin

Sayings you’d like to see on office inspirational posters===============================================If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.If you think we’re a bad firm, you should see our rivals!Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings — they did it by killing all those who opposed them.A person who smiles in the face of adversity… probably has a scapegoat.ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE…..2 days without a Human Rights Violation!If at first you don’t succeed – try management.Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.Never quit until you have another job.Work harder you slaves!The beatings will continue until morale improves.If you can read this, you’re not working!Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!Go the extra mile – It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.Pride, commitment, teamwork – words we use to get you to work for free.Succeed in spite of management.Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.There are two kinds of people in life… people who like their jobs and people who don’t work here anymore.Department of Defense: we kill people – so you don’t have to!