Life’s Lessons

Money doesn’t bring you happiness,
but it enables you to look for it in more places.

Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong,
but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.

Misers aren’t much fun to live with,
but they make great ancestors.

Be careful what rut you choose.
You may be in it the rest of your life.

The trouble with bucket seats is that
not everybody has the same size bucket.

When you see the handwriting on the wall,
you can bet you’re in a public rest room.

Opportunities always look bigger
going than coming.

The real reason you can’t take it with you
is that it goes before you do.

Junk is something you throw away
three weeks before you need it.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home,
even if you wish they were.

A closed mouth
gathers no feet.

A man (or woman) who can smile when things go wrong
has found someone to blame it on.

A modern pioneer is a woman who can get through a rainy Saturday
with a television on the blink.

The world is full of willing people:
some willing to work and some willing to let them.

Money isn’t everything…
there’s credit cards, money orders, and travelers checks.

Some people are like blisters.
They don’t show up until the work is done.

A true friend is one that lets his grass grow
as tall as his neighbor’s.

A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult
while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

If you don’t know where you’re going,
you’re never lost.

Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

extreme bumper stickers

:Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.Keep honking while I reload.Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!So… who lit the fuse on your tampon?Support cannibalism — EAT ME!I don’t have a license to kill. I have a learner’s permit.I wasn’t born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement park.EARTH FIRST! We’ll strip-mine the other planets later.Your child may be an honor student but you’re still an idiot.If you drink, don’t park. Accidents cause people.Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her … or something like that.