Category: puns / word play

A California couple discovered the wife was pregnant, but the family simply couldn’t afford any more children. They looked around and found an excellent Hispanic family to adopt the child. Then they found out she was going to have twins. Fortunately, a family of Arab Americans agreed to adopt the other child. Twin healthy boys were born and passed along to the families, who named them Juan and Amal.

The biological parents kept in close touch with the adoptive parents in a very amicable relationships. One day, Juan’s family sent a picture of the youth in his baseball uniform. The biological mother was so proud of her son. She said to her husband, “He is so handsome! I wish we had a picture like this of our other son, too.”

He replied, “But dear, they are twins.
When you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!”

These three guys wanted to rent a hotel, the hotel had only
three rooms left, one room with apples one with oranges and one
with a room full of woman..

The first guy says i’ll take the apples..!!

The Second guy says i’ll take oranges.

And the third guy says i’ll go to the one with all the woman.:-)

The next morning at breakfast the three guys met up.

The guy in the apple room said i feel like a apple.

The guy in the orange room said i feel like a orange.

The guy in the room with all the woman said i feel like a golf
ball i’ve been in and out of 18 holes.

what do you call it when a cat pisses in a bottel and throws it out the window of a car?

Litter

A Doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the Doctors drink waiting for him at precisely 5:03 PM.

One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The Doctor came in and took a sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”

“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender…
“It’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”

A bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field. A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves against the gale. So all the cows stand up and brush themselves off and go back to their business. Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on the grass. Next, a hurricane comes through and all the cows are knocked into the next pasture. The bulls just say “moo.” Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and says, “Moo? What’s the mooing deal? How come the wind always knocks us for a loop and you just stand there unharmed ?” “Isn’t it obvious?” the bull replies. “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”

Is she ATC?
No, she is 85 B!

What did Snow White say when the photographer said her photos were
done?

I knew some day my prints would come!

There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.

So, he went to a dealership and bought a car. “But,” he said to the salesperson, “I would like my car personalized. Would it be possible to have the “Z” replaced with an “S”?” The dealer said yes, and it was done.

And, as the snail raced around the city in his brand new car, everyone would see, “Wow, look at that S-car-go.”

A man had just moved to the United States, and he was having
trouble with the English language. He was walking along the
street one day when he passed a liquor store. The man decided
that he could really use a drink, so he decided to go in.
“Excuse me,” he said to the clerk. “Where can I find a butt?” “A
butt?” asked the confused worker. “Oh oh, you must mean a BUD,”
and he sold the foreign man a six pack of Bud Light.

The man continued walking along, and soon he came upon a
hardware store. He thought of all the gardening that he had to
do at his new house, so he decided to go in. “Excuse me sir,” he
said to a man wearing an apron. “Can you show me where I can
find a fucket?” “A fucket? Oh oh, you must mean a BUCKET,” and
the clerk sold the foreigner a 10-gallon bucket.

The man kept walking until he came to a pet store. In the
window, he saw the most beautiful cockerspaniel. He simply had
to have the dog. “Excuse me,” he said to the woman behind the
counter. “I want to buy that cockandspankit.” “Cockandspankit?”
asked the confused woman. “Oh oh, you must be talking about that
COCKERSPANIEL,” and she sold the man the cockerspaniel.

The man was headed back home with his purchases, when all of a
sudden, the dog’s leash slips out of his hand. The man is
frantic, but he spots a police officer. “Officer!” exclaims the
foreigner. “Would you please hold my butt and fuckit, while I go
get my cockandspankit?”

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.

Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.

Said the store manager, “Sorry, kid, but baggers can’t be juicers.”

Way back in the country one morning, Papa Mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said, “What a beautiful morning! I think I smell sauage and pancakes!”

Mama mole sticks her head out of the mole hole and said “I agree with you Papa, it is a truly nice morning. And, I smell maple syrup too.”

Baby mole could not get his little head out of the mole hole and all he could smell was molasses!

Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry. Someday your prints will come”.