Category: professionals

One day, Josh went over to Ben’s to have a look at the small yacht he was selling. Ben had it on dry land because it had a small gash in its keel. But other then that, what a fine yacht it was….a mahogany deck, the latest in navigational gears, including a state of the art fish-finder. Ben wanted just $5,000 for it and assured Josh he would even have the keel repaired himself.
Well, Josh needed time to think it over so off he went fishing. He took his small aluminum boat out into the bay and it wasn’t 5 minutes later, when he got his first bite. He pulled his line in and found he had caught a nice-sized cod. As he was taking the hook out, the fish spoke to him:

Fish: “Please release me, let me go. I am the last of my species and if you put me back in the water, I will grant you a wish.”

Josh thought for a second and then said, “I wish this here small boat of mine, was a small yacht just like Ben’s.”

The following day, Josh was found clinging to a buoy after the small yacht he was fishing in, sank from damage to its keel.

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation
from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of
contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows
that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to
charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your
research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has
medical bills that are several times her annual income?”

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um…no.”

“–or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a
wheelchair?” The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology
but was interrupted, “–or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic
accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless
with three children?!”

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no
idea…”

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: “–so if I don’t give any
money to them, why should I give any to you?”

When the police came up tp this man and sayed”u cant go fishing her” the man sayed” im not im giving my pet worm a bath.”

A fisherman got married and went to a mountain resort for the honeymoon.
The resort clerk saw the man at the pier fishing and asked, why are you fishing?

Shouldn?t you be making love to you?re new bride?

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got gonorrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk said well you could turn her over and get some booty.

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got diarrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk asked well couldn?t you at least get some head?

The fisherman said, Naw, she?s got pyorrhea, but that?s ok I like to fish.

The clerk now in disbelief says gonorrhea, diarrhea, pyorrhea, what the hell did you marry her for?

The fisherman said, She?s also got worms and you know I like to fish.

Three guys walk into a stripper bar, a dentist, a lawyer and a banker.

The stripper walks out and starts shaking her butt in the dentist’s face.
He takes a twenty from his wallet, licks it, and slaps it on her right butt
cheek.

Then the stripper goes to the lawyer and shakes her butt in his face.
He takes out a twenty, licks
it, and slaps it on her left butt cheek.

Finally, the striper goes to the banker and shakes her butt in his face.
He sits there and thinks for a minute, then he grabs his wallet, takes out
his atm card, slits it down the crack of her butt and takes both twenties.

Q: Which one of the fishing equipment does a football players use?

A: a “tackle” box.

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing
each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they
sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her
hands.

After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel
bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says
she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it.

After the sex session, she gets up and says she is going to wash her
hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a
surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always
washing your hands.”

She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”

“Wow, how did you guess?” asks the male doctor.

“I didn’t feel a thing.”

It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occations. He asked the guy: “How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?” The guy replied: “Well I am going back up there tommorow, why don’t you come along?” And, so the warden did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The game warden freaked out, and said: “You can’t do that! That’s illeagal!” The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said: “Are you going to fish, or talk?”

A hunter walked into a pub where some of the regulars were talking about their most painful experiences. They saw him come in and asked him what his was. he answered.
Once i had just got a dear down and i had to shit. so i went over to a tree pulled down my pants and leaned over. My balls were hanging down and trigered a trap and i bolted.

“Wow” that was the worst. they said.

No that was only the second the first was when the chain ran out.

Two guys were out hunting and they got lost.

The first guy says to the second guy, “What do you think we should do?”

The second guy says, “Let’s fire three shots into the air. It’s the international distress code.”

They fire three shots into the air, wait an hour, and nobody comes. The first guy says to the second guy, “What do you think we should do now?”

The second guy says, “Let’s fire three more shots into the air.”

They fire three more shots into the air, wait an hour, and nobody comes. The first guy says, “What do you think we should do now?”

The second guy says, “Let’s fire three more shots into the air.”

The first guy says, “Well I sure hope someone comes soon, these are my last three arrows!”.

Did you hear about the kid who was pulled over for speeding?
The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down his window.

“I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.

The guy replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A precocious kid asks his mom, “Mommy, can you get pregnant from anal
sex?”

Mom: “Of course, darling, where do you think lawyers come from?”