Category: professionals

With Viagra such a hit, a major drug company is bringing forth a whole
line of
drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s
society….

Directra – a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on
car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when
they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

Projectra – Men given this experimental new drug were far more
likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a
new one.

Childagra – Men taking this drug reported a sudden,
over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks – especially cleaning
up
spills and “little accidents.”

Complimentra – In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new
hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend
to noticing new clothing.

Buyagra – Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden
urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after
talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug
can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store’s
return limit.

Nega-Viagra – Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra.
Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

Nega-Sportagra – This drug had the strange effect of making men
want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other
family members.

Flatulagra – This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal
gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be
doubled for long car rides.

Flyagra – This drug has been showing great promise in treating
men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on
Viagra.

Pryagra – About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men
in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal
affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test
subjects into “special prosecutors.”

Liagra – This drug causes men to be less than truthful when
being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular,
Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

There was a pickel ,a taco and a Dick,one day they were fightinng because they did not know who was the worst of all.So the pickel said,shit guys ive been in a jar for more than 300 years.Then they said,aaaaa thats nothin.The taco said,Mine sucks cause i dont even live for on second.they get the tomato,the cheese and the salt, and put it all over and suddenly they eat me to death ahhhhhh help…..Forget both of you. The Dick said, every single night they grab me and put a bag over and make me do push ups until i throw up.

One day joey,sam, and bob went on a hunting trip. When they finally got a deer and started heading back to the car it was already getting late. after awhile joey and sam started complaining. Joey was tired of dragging the deer and wanted to stop and gut it, to make it lighter. Sam just had to shit realy bad. After awhile bob got tired of the whining and stopped. Sam went off in the woods to shit while joey and bob gut the deer. After a couple minutes joey and bob took some deer guts and snuck up on sam. they placed the guts under sam and went back to finish guting the deer. when sam came back his face was white as if he had seen a ghost.”guys i really had to shit and i mean i REALLY had to shit” said sam. joey and bob started laughing and asked what had hapened. “well i went shit and when i turned around to look at what was in me i saw my guts in a big pile, but dont worry, i put them back in!”said sam.

Sphen and Olly are out fishing and they are catchin tons and tons of fish, so olly turns to sphen and says we should but a mark on this spot for another time because this is really good fishing. So sphen pulls out a magig marker and buts a huge X on the boat were he and olly were standing. So olly looks at this and goes “Sphen you idiot what do we do if we take a different boat”.

There was a girl who found a bottle, it was dusty so she rubbed it and a genie came out saying, u have 3 wishes, but whatever u wish for, i get 2x as much.
so she said ok

i want a million dollars, so she got a million and the genie got doubled that

then she said a mustang, then the genie got 2 mustangs, she was mad so she said “beat me half to death”.

You don’t have to hide your fishing magazines.

It’s perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to fish with

you once in

a while.

Your fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you

fished with long

ago.

It’s perfectly respectable to fish with a total stranger.

When you see a really good fisher person, you don’t have to

feel guilty

about imagining the two of you fishing in boat

together.

If your regular fishing partner isn’t available, he/she

won’t object if

you fish with someone else.

Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you fish

by yourself.

You can have a fishing calendar on your wall at the office,

tell fishing

jokes, and invite co-workers to fish with you

without getting sued for

harassment.

There are no fishing-transmitted diseases.

If you want to watch fishing on television, you don’t have

to subscribe

to the Playboy channel.

Nobody expects you to fish with the same partner for the

rest of your life.

Your fishing partner will never say, “Not again? We just

fished last week!

Is fishing all you ever think about?

3 men were in the woods. They took a wrong turn and they came to a cliff. Then suddenly a genie appeared. She said “you guys finally found my home! you can now have one wish each. all you have to do is say what u want and jump off the cliff. you will land in what you want.” The first guy said ” i wish for money” he jumped and landed in money. The second guy said” i wish for gold” he jumped and landed in gold. The last guy went to the edge and saw the men. He was about to make a wish when he tripped over a rock he said “shit!!”. Then he landed in in shit.

Bob and joe are fishing in a boat. bob pulls up a lamp on his line. a genie pops out and said he would give bob one wish. bob said to turn the lake into beer. the genie granted his wish. bob turned to joe and asked,”what do ya think?” joe said,”i think you’re an asshole! now we gotta piss in the boat!”

This guy went into a doctor’s office and told the nurse, “I have a problem
with my dick.” The nurse, half horrified, said, “I am amazed that you have
the audacity to use that language here. I will not help you until you call
‘it’ something else.” A little embarrassed, the guy leaves.

A few minutes later, he comes back in and says, “I have something wrong
with my ear.” So the nurse says, “That’s better. Now what’s wrong
with your ear?”

The guy replies, “I can’t piss out of it.”

Two bats were out one night looking for blood, but after a few hours of unsuccessful huntingthey decided to go home.In the wee hours of the morning, one of the bats was so hungry he had to go out hunting again.An hour later he came back all covered in blood.
‘Where did you get that blood ?’said the other bat, full of enevy.

‘Come and I’ll show you.’So out they went into the night.

‘See that tree over there?’said the bat covered in blood.

‘Yeah.’

‘Well I didn’t!’

One day a bachlor decides that he is going to take up hunting, since he had nothing else to do with his money. He goes an buys a pick up truck and two hunting dogs. Goes to the country to hunt, when all of a sudden he spots some ducks flying over head. He takes his shot gun and shoots, he hits one and lets the dogs out. He chases after the dogs and they come to a farmers field, when the young man says ” Excuse me sir, but that is my duck” The farmer says ” no my land, my duck. Tell you what sonny, lets settle this the country way, We kick each other in the balls, and who is left standing, gets to keep the duck. The city boy says “Allright” But the farmer says “I go first” The farmer kicks the young man in the balls, and lays on the ground for about five minutes. When he finally gets to his feet, he states “OK, my turn” The farmer says “Na, you can keep the duck.”

An economist is back in his old college town many years after
graduation and decides to drop in on one of his old professors. He
happens to see a copy of an exam sitting on the desk so he picks
it up to look at it. Upon deciding that it looks familiar he comments
to the professor that it is the same exam that he had taken 10 years
ago.

The professor assures him that this is correct but adds that this time the
answers are different.