Category: professionals

Why did the boy cross the road 2 phone 07952423099 fishing freak for advice (true story)

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.
Teach him how to fish and you can sell him a rod.

A guy is getting ready to hunt when his wife asks if she can go
“No way. We would be getting up early and you never know what the weather is like. I just don’t think you could handle it.”

“Please”, his wife begs, “you never do anything with me.”

“Fine”, he sats, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

The next morning the guy wakes his wife. “it’s four in the morning.” she complains.

“That’s what time we go”, he says, “now move it.”

The wife gets out of bed and sees snow all over the ground and refuses to go.

“Fine”, says the husband, “for making me pack double the gear and being a bitch you better suck my dick or let me fuck you in the ass.”

The women abruply gets on her knees. A few seconds later she pulls her head away.

“oh, your dick taste like shit.”

“I know”, says the husband, “the dog didn’t want to go either.”

All my doctor does is send me to see other doctors.

I don’t know if he’s really a doctor or a booking agent.

John comes home from holidays and almost immediately has another confrontation with his neighbour and long time enemy.

Later, inside and unpacking, he finds a bottle he didn’t remember buying. Still it looks good so he gives it polish . . ., and whoosh, out comes a genie.

“Oh holder of the bottle, I grant thee three wishes; but be warned that what you wish for is granted doubly to your greatest enemy.”

“Well I wish my last girlfriend would come back and be in love with me again” asks John for his first wish. Hearing his name being called from the next room tells him she’s back. John looks out his window and sees his neighbour with two women clearly besotted with him.

“For my second wish, I want a big mansion” says John who goes outside and sees his house has grown into a mansion. The neighbour’s house being a mansion twice as big.

At this stage the genie reminds him that his enemy will still get double for the third and final wish.

“Then for my third wish, I want . . . I want you to remove one of my testicles.”

If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day. If you teach a man to fish he will drink beer, tell lies and wear a stupid hat.

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do
you serve lawyers here?”

“Sure do,” replied the bartender.

“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”

One time, Mark Bookspan accidentally shot himself in the stomach while hunting and peed blood for a week.

A man walks into a bar and he sees a guy with a foot long liter. he asks “the man where did he get it?” the guy “replies there is a lamp by the lake rub it and the genie in it will grant you one wish.” So the man runs to the lake finds the lamp rubs it and asks for a million bucks when he gets home there is a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and told the guy what happened. The guy replies” You think I asked for a footlong bic?”

how are lawyers like sperm?

One out of a million turns out to be a human being.

What do you call it when a law firm goes skydiving?

Skeet.

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”