Category: professionals

There were two guys fishing in a boat. And they haven’t caught anything all day. Suddenly the one pulls up a old lamp and wipes it off. Out comes a genie. The genie says ” I will give you one wish what will it be?” So the guy says turn the whole lake into beer. Poof the lake is beer. The guy turns to the other and says so what do you think of that, the other guy says “I think your a fucking asshole, now we have to piss in the boat.

Q:what is a ghosts favorit road?

A:A dead end.

What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a
dead skunk in the road?

There are skid marks before the skunk

3 guys were stuck on an island. One day, one of the guys found a very old bottle. As he opened the bottle, out popped a genie who granted each of the guys 1 wish.
The first guy wished he could go home to his family. Poof, his wish came true and he was back with his family. The second guy wished the same thing, that he could go home to his family. Poof, the second guy was home with his family.

The third guy wasn’t exactly smart. He looked around the island, feeling kind of lonely. He looked at the genie and said “I wish my 2 friends were back on the island again with me.”

Paddy and mick go into the woods to go hunting.during the night paddy wakes up and spots sonething in the distance he wakes up mick and says Look mick.
when mick looks over a mans head is hanging out of a crocodiles mouth then paddy says that bastards got a lacoste sleeping bag.

A fellow wanted to learn how to duck hunt but could not find anybody who would take him out to learn how so he st a rted to hunt by himself. He felt frusterated after five day’s hunting without getting the first feather much less a shot.So he goes back to the boat launch to go home and see’s a fellow coming in with the front of his boat full of ducks and thinks to himself damn I think i’ll go over and ask him if he needs a hand and maybe i’ll learn a secret or two, So he say’s to the hunter with a bag over his head Sir can I help you with loadind up your boat and the man with the bag on his head said sure. So did you have any luck today? The new hunter said he hadn’t shot at a duck in five days and the man said do you want me to take you out so you can get your limit? the new hunter said sure I’d love to maybe you can teach me a thing or two, on the way out the hunter ask why the man still had the bag on his head and he said i’ll show you in a minute. They threw out some decoys and the man said are you ready ? now watch close and he began to blow his caller and the ducks were all over the place then all of a sudden he pulled the bag off and ducks were falling out of the sky everywere, and the new hunter started screaming for the man to put the bag back on for he was one ugly dude and looked bad bad.They picked up all the ducks and on the way in the new hunter said thank you and that he was sorry, and the man said sorry for what? and the new hunter said for hurting your feelings when I yeld for you to put the bag back on,He said hell son don’t be I know I’m ugly my wife is ugly my kids are ugly were one big ugly family. The new hunter said sooo does your wife like to duck hunt with you? and the man said oh she loves to duck hunt. then the new hunter said well do you bring her out much? The man with the mask said ohhh nooo she bust them up to bad…

Did you here about the lucky fisherman??
He married a girl with WORMS.

There were 3 men stranded on an island. they all went in search of life when they came across a bottle. they rub the bottle and poof, out comes a geanie. alright you got one wish each the geanie said. the first guy said i want to be back home with all my family and friends and poof he was gone. then the second guy said id like to be back home with all my friends since i have no family. then the 3rd guy said well i have no family or friends so i wish for the other 2 guys to come back.

A young lady, sitting on her minnow bucket while fishing was approached by a man who asked her what she was fishing for? She replied,I’m fishing for a husband! He said ,”you won’t catch one that way cause you’re sitting on your bait!

How do you circumsize a whale?

you send down four-skin divers.

Two hunters are roaming through the woods when all of a sudden one of them grabs his throat and dies. The other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator “my friend just grabbed his throat and died!” “okay okay, calm down” replied the operator “go over to him fist and make sure that he is actually dead” “okay” replies the hunter. The phone goes silent, than a sudden bang from a gun is heard. “okay” says the hunter “now what?

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat.
They had only been out a short while when Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back

to the station to get them.”

George replied, “We don’t have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you.”

It was a hot day and Mary didn’t fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.

Fido’s nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido’s ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.

Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.

The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant’s balls in his mouth.