Category: professionals

FOUR strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a European train. Two men and two women faced each other. One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75 year old lady who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen yrs. old–who looked like something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a highly decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud slap could be heard throughout the cabin. In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly with their own thoughts. The older lady was thinking, “Isn’t it wonderful that even in this permissive day and age there are still young women who have a little self-respect and dignity?”The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked herself, “Why in the world would any man in his right mind want to kiss an old fossil like that when I’m sitting here?”The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to sneak a kiss in the dark.And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, “What a crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get away with it

Three Gay Men Die

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.

Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the

same time,and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, ‘My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up

in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.’

The second man said, ‘My Carl was a good fisherman, so I’m

going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake

The third man (Bobby) said, ‘My Jim was such a good lover, I think

I’m

going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my

ass up just one more time.

A group of biologists got together in hopes of producing an untimate sport fish. The decided to cross-breed a coho salmon, a walleye pike and a musky. After years of experimenting they finally produced one egg which hatched a newly “invented” fish. “Success” they began yelling while congradulating each other. “Wait” one of the scientists statee> “What will we call this fish?” They all got together in at attempt to pool their minds and come up with a meaningful name. The lead person the the group stated, “let’s see, we had a coho, a walleye and a musky; we’ll take part of each of those names to come up with a name for this new breed”. He continued, “co” for coho, “wall” for walleye and “skI” for musky. “That’s it……..KOWALSKI”. He gently picked up the fish and palced it in an aquarium. Kowalski sunk to the bottom and drowned.

“Yesterday I removed wealthy Mrs. Hollingsworth’s appendix.”
said the surgeon.

“Now the appendix?” said his partner. “Have you discovered what her real
problem is?”

If you’re fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY???

The ice will crack up!

This guy came home from work and said to his wife, “I need a vacation. I’m too stressed out. I think I’ll go fishing for the weekend.”
“Okay,” she says. “I’ll pack for you.”

So she packs for him and he goes away for the weekend. When he comes back he says, “Wow, I feel a lot better now!”

“How did I pack?” the wife asks.

“You did fine, except you forgot my pajamas,” he replies.

“No I didn’t,” she says. “I didn’t have enough room in your bag so I put them in your tackle box!”

A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said,
“Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature i shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy,
“I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”

A sports writer interviewed the 14 time world champing female fisherman. what is your secret, do you have a favorite side of the boat or specail lure. no was the repley to the lure. as far as the side of the boat that depends on my husband. report says i don,t understand. well it is this way , i lift up the sheets in the morning and look at my husbands dong, if it is laying on his right leg i fish on the right side of the boat, if on the left i fish off the left side of the boat. reporter what if it is standing up??? well then to hell with going fishing

The first day of bear hunting season and the hunter is walking down the trail. He comes to a clearing and sees a very large bear in plain sight and takes a shot. When the smoke clears he looks and does’nt see the bear. Suddenly he feels something tapping him on the shoulder, It is the bear and the bear accuses him of trying to shoot him. The hunter denies this repeatedly but the bear makes the hunter pull down his pants and bend over a log where the bear has his way with the hunter. The bear finishes and goes on his way.

The next morning the hunter is ready for a little payback. He is walking down the same trail and sees the same bear. This time the hunter cleans his sight and takes better aim. When the smoke clears he looks and finds the bear gone again. He throws his rifle down and starts cursing. Then the hunter feels a tap on his shoulder. The bear again accuses the hunter of trying to shoot him. The hunter persistently denies until the bear makes him pull down his pants and bend over the log again. After the bear is finished the hunter hobbles back to his camp.

The third morning the hunter is ready to make the bear pay for the last two days indescressions. He was up all night cleaning his rifle and adjusting his scope. He finds the same bear at the same clearing and takes very careful sight. He slowly squeezes of the shot and when the smoke clears he once again missed the bear. He takes his rifle and throws it into the woods.

At that moment the bear taps him on the shoulder and says “you din’t come here to hunt, did you?”.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident but it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied,” I agree with you completely This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?” The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

One day a bear was in a forest you know were bears hang out and he saw a rabbit he was hungry so he decided to chase it mean while a genie was chillin’ and saw the bear chaseing the rabbit and it was getting kinda annoying so he thought he would stop by granting them some wishes so he floated over and told them “hey if you two knock it off ill grant you both two wishes” they siad it was cool so the genie turned to the bear and said your bigger so you can go first and the bear said i wish i had the biggest bear dick in in all of beardom and the genie clapped his and his wish was granted he had the biggest bear dick in all of beardom
so he asked the rabbit want is your wish

he said i want a harley davidson motor cycle

the genie thought this was kinda wierd but he granted it any way it was the bears turn again so the genie said what is you final wish the bear said i want all the bears in the entir world to be female the genie granted his wish. it was the rabbits turn the genie said “ok this is your last wish you should really think hard “and the rabbit said no no i know what i want genie said well what is it and the rabbit said “i want him to be gay” and sped away on his motorcycle.

There was a man on his way to work. and his truck ran out of gas. so he gets out looks around.theres a house about 3/4 of a mile down the rode. And another house about 1/2 mile . So he decides to go to the closest one. He gets to house and is about to knock. when he looks in the window. he sees a man sitting in a recliner. wacking his pud and twirling his finger in a fish tank. there also was a olady standing infront of him pushing a lawnmower back and forth on the carpert. so hes like fuck this im going to the other house. he gets there. knocks and a man anwsers the door. he asks whats the problem. he tells the man about him running out of gas about 3/4 of a mile down the road. he telles him yeh ill help. but first. will you tell me why you didnt go to the house 1/2 mile away? the man replys .i did but there fuckin crazy!! i got there and there was a man wacking his pud. with his other hand in the fish tank. twirling his finger around and an olady running a lawnmower back and forth across the capet!!! the man says there not crazy. there acouple of deaf mutes !! the olady is telling him to go mow the lawn. and hes saying. go fuck your self im going fishing!!!!!!