Category: politics

To the tune of “A Bicycle Built For Two” Monica, Monica, give me a little
head. I’m half crazy, cause Hillary won’t share our bed. She won’t give me head
or spread ’em. Not even with a condom. So, if you please, get on your knees, And
give me a little head!

A recent poll of 2000 women were asked the question: Would you sleep with Bill Clinton?
94% responded “Never again!”

Have you ever wondered why Bill Clinton’s penis is bent?

Clinton’s penis is not bent, it’s straight. It just looks bent, because the rest of him is so crooked.

“I resent your insinuendoes.”

“No man is an Ireland.”

“If we don’t make some changes, the status quo will remain the same.”

“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”

“I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate.” — Dan Quayle

“If Lincoln were alive today, he’d roll over in his grave.”

“We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.”

“Candidly, I cannot answer that. The question is too suppository.”

“Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation.” — Marion Berry

“Let’s jump off that bridge when we come to it.”

“To be demeanered like that is an exercise in fertility.”

“I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators.”

“If somebody’s gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there.”

“When you’re talking to me, keep your mouth shut.”

“Let’s do this in one foul swoop.”

“I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session.”

“We’ll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger.”

“I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks.”

“The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13.”

“I hate to confuse myself with the facts.”

“We have a permanent plan for the time being.”

“Family planning has many misconceptions.”

“The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city.”

“My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.”

“As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state.”

“These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he’s talking about.”

“People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on.”

“In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema.”

Dear ‘me’ AKA ?????????? stephenson Will you please refrain from making racist welsh comments involvin sheep and otha racist comments about them becase i have managed to hack into the isp number wich your e mail adress was made onn and ifr u dont refrain from this racisum i will personaly come over to your house and burn it down as i have managed to get your adress from the adress your computer is registerd on and usin ur isp i can find your adress and i will kill you and i managed to get ur last name as ur computer was registerd and now if u dont stop ill kill u and ur family

hey jamie its sherman sorry i was just doin that to scare u because even if the jokes are about a twat im very affended

There are a lot of folks that cannot understand how we ran out of oil here in the USA.Well, here is the answer: It is simple……… nobody bothered to check the oil.Did not know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is geographical.Most of the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, and Texas, and all the dipsticks are in Washington, DC.

Q: What’s Bill Clinton’s least expensive hobby?A: To sit in the Oval Office and collect dust.

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Plan to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.”

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: “Will I be acquitted?”

It’s the spending stupid!

What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?

They both heard a giant sucking sound!

� Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
� Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
� Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
� Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
� He fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down.
� An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
� As smart as bait.
� Chimney’s clogged.

Why did Bill get into this problem?

He didn’t know that harass was one word.