Military Computer

World War III.

The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES.

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied.

Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?

Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.

The Air India

an east indian was going in to a plane with is own food with him. a guy said what his this he said a punjabi container then it was lunch time so he was eating the guy asked what his this he said punjabi bread than he said wat is this he said punjabi daal then the guy asked again what is this he said it is punjabi yogurt then after awhile the east indian fated and the guy said wat is this the east indian said this is Air India

Coincidence?

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy’s secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were aqsassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Kennedy.’

Kennedy was shot in a aar called ‘Lincoln.’

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.

Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here’s the kicker…

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Congress Embraces Internet Technology in Campaign

Priceline.com’s stock soared and Ebay created an entire new section on their
online auction site to accommodate the US Congress’ overhaul of campaign
financial law.
Senator John McCain, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised his fellow
Senator�s choice to “name your own price” for Congressional influence. “This is
significant legislation that will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring
millions into politicians’ pockets.”
In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto Priceline.com and
“name their own price” to influence a member of the House. Citizens wishing to
purchase a Senator need to logon to Ebay.
William Jefferson Clinton has replaced William Shatner as spokesman for the
new Congressional Price line. In an “off- camera” remark, he said, “This is
going to be BIG …really BIG!”

Cheney and the Bushes on a Plane

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, “You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy.”

Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, “Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy.” George Bush Senior says, “Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, “I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy.”

KFC and the Pope

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at
Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks
for a favor.

The Pope says, “What can I do?”

The Colonel says, “I need you to change the daily prayer from,
‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our
daily chicken’. If you do it, I’ll donate 10 Million Dollars to
the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “I am sorry. That is the Lord’s prayer and I
can not change the words.”

So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales,
the Colonel panics, and calls again.

“Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I’ll give you
$50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer
from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our
daily chicken.'”

And the Pope responds, “It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders.
The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would
help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It
is the Lord’s prayer, and I can’t change the words.”

So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible
sales the Colonel gets desperate. “This is my final offer, your
Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from,
‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our
daily chicken’ I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.”

The Pope replies, “Let me get back to you.”

So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and
he says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The
good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the
Vatican.”

The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad
news.

The Pope replies, “The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread
account.”