Category: politics

Clinton floated a strike on baseball’s opening day but most of his pitches are high and to the left.

What is Clinton’s new Secret Service Code Name?

Unibanger.

Q: Who should Clinton have used to overthrow Haiti’s military?A: John Elway.

Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?

If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!

Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun.

Let’s count them upside down this time.
Let’s count until the state is mine.
I will not let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!

I’m really ticked, I’m in a snit.
You have not heard the last of it.
I’ll count the ballots one by one.
And hold each one up to the sun.

I’ll count, recount, and count some more.
You’ll grow to hate this little chore.
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand.
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!

I won’t leave office, I’m stayin’ here.
I’ve glued my desk chair to my rear.
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba, too,
all telling me that I should sue.

We find the Electoral College vile.
Re-count the votes until I smile.
We do not want this vote to stand.
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink
and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “130.” So the robot proceeded to make conversation about
physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently
and thought, “This is really cool.”
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, “What’s your IQ?”
The man responded, “100.” So the robot started talking about football,
baseball and so on. The man thought to himself, “Wow, this is really cool.”
A third guy came into the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him,
“What’s your IQ?”
The man replied, “70.” The robot then said, “So, what’s the Democratic Party
up to these days?”

* “Does cigar smoke bother you?”

* “How many lies per minute can you type?”

* “You wouldn’t ask a lot of questions if the President had to hide a girl in
your podium, would you?”

* “How long can you stare at Sam Donaldson without giggling at his hairpiece?”

* “Are you willing to work for Al Gore in a few months?”

* “Please state, in 100 words or more, absolutely nothing.”

* “Would you talk on the phone with the President while he’s ‘otherwise
engaged’?”

* “Do you give your word that you will do your best — just kidding, like
someone’s word means anything around here.”

* “Would you mind having sex with Hillary once in a while?”

* “Is your wife cute?”

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.

CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet.

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.

CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long.

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.

CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, a subsequent catastrophe.

TITANIC VIDEO: Villain: White Star Line.

CLINTON VIDEO: Villain: Ken Starr.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.

CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a B.S. artist.

TITANIC VIDEO: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.

CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.

TITANIC VIDEO: During ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.

CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.

CLINTON VIDEO: Let’s not go there.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelery.

CLINTON VIDEO: Monica’s gets a pearl necklace.

TITANIC VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular.

CLINTON VIDEO: Behind the scenes: Bill Clinton’s approval rating is at 70%.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death.

CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary

There are too many bills to pay without having to pay the one in Washington.

Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?A: A man without a clue.

Here’s a dilemma for you… With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.

Please don’t answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line – this is important for the test to work accurately.

You’re in Florida…In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is — it’s George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.

And here’s the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

Q: Why doesn’t Hillary cut Bill’s hair?A: He won’t pay her $300.

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read:

Dear GOD,

Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those idiots deducted $95.00!