Category: politics

When you wanna hang up on somebody do this: Say,”You have room in your
closet?”. They say why? You say,”I need you to hang this up?” They say hang what
up? Just hang up the phone.

15. “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But first, a few words from my husband…”

14. “Okay, I shagged her. I shagged her rotten, baby!”

13. “Immediately after my speech, you are all cordially invited to come up here and kiss my pasty white ass.”

12. “Members of Congress, I feel you’re a pain.”

11. “Are you impeachin’ me? Are you impeachin’ me? You gotta be impeachin’ me cuz I’m the only President standin’ here.”

10. “I don’t think anyone can deny that this past year has made a vas deferens in the face of politics..”

9. “Any of y’all got that Gwyneth Paltrow gal’s phone number?”

8. “This meeting of The Duplicitous Serial Adulterers Group will now come to order. Ha, ha! Just kidding, people.”

7. “Look at it, people! Take a good look! You got a tool like this, you use it — know what I’m sayin’?”

6. “Acquit me, or the stock market gets it.”

5. “I have not had sexual relations with anyone in this chamber. But seriously, folks…”

4. “(Psssst! Al! Fourth row, third from the left — you can see right up her skirt!)”

3. “First, I’d like to introduce my new Attorney General, Alec Baldwin.”

2. “Whoa! I’ve been sleepwalking the last three years! I hope I didn’t do anything embarrassing!”

1. “I’m not under oath, am I?”

[ This list copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List [email protected] ]

Q: What do Hillary Clinton and Marie Antoinette have in common?A: Nothing . . . yet.

Written by a Viet Nam Vet
GOD BLESS AMERICA!

“In Memory of the Twin Towers”

Warning song to Osama bin Laden
(The tune of Rawhide)

The devil came from nowhere
He attacked us from the sky.

He bloodied up our nation
Didn�t give a reason why.

Now he’s placed a spear in our eye
Said its done it Allah�s name

So God’s coming looking for him
And he’s got himself to blame.

No more running, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t moving slowly.

You defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything it�s got.

Just go hiding in your hills
You’ll be buried in your caves.

You’ll get what you’ve got coming now
For being Satan�s slaves.

You’ve woke the sleeping giant
From his legendary sleep

Now with open roar like lions
There’s one promise he will keep

No more running, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t moving slowly.

You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything it�s got.

So don’t close your eyes a moment
Cause you surely see death there.

Don’t waste your time in moaning
You just haven’t got a prayer.

You chose to terrify the world
with your sensely killing spree

Brought violence into our lives
Placed hate inside of me.

No more running, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t moving slowly.

You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything it�s got.

In this peaceful loving Nation
Home of brave and of the free

All are calling up your number
Over land and over sea

We have seen the vileness in your soul
The horrors you create

Now this angry nations coming
Look around we’re at your gate

No more running, no more hiding, there’s no place for you to go
For the wrath of God is coming and he isn’t moving slowly.

You’ve defiled the love of all mankind without a single thought
And the world is coming for you now with everything it�s got.

Yes this world is coming for you now (Pause) with everything it�s got.

As you are probably aware, if voting results in Florida stand as they are now,
George W. Bush will be our next president. This will have catastrophic results
in our not so vital (dispensable entertainment industry).

Barbara Streisand, Martin Sheen, Susan Sarandon, Whoopie Goldberg, Alec
Baldwin – among many others have sworn to leave the country if George Bush is
elected president.

And this is where you can help. We need volunteers to help pack and load
moving vans. We also need airfare for these irreplaceable national treasures so
they can relocate before they change their minds.

For the cost of a small SUV, you can sponsor one of these celebrities and
their unfortunate relocation. You will know that your efforts are helping when
you receive postcards, letters, and pictures from your chosen “refugee� as they
learn to become useful citizens in the Third World country of their choosing.

You will help, won’t you? It costs so little but it means so much.
Call 1-800-deport a lib. Operators are standing by. Major credit cards are
accepted.

This Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all
around the neighbourhood, in the park, everywhere. He can’t find the
parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk
officer his problem.

The officer’s a little puzzled. “Look, bud, I’m sorry you lost
your bird, but this is the KGB. We don’t handle missing animal reports.”

“Oh, I know that”, says the guy. “I just wanted you to know, if
you find my parrot — I don’t know where he could have picked up all his
political ideas.”

What does Hillary Clinton do after she shaves her pussy?

Puts a suit and tie on him and sends him off to run the country.

At least now, Mr. Clinton, we understand why mattresses are discounted
every Presidents Day.

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when they come across a fence
where a goat has his head stuck.
Saddam looks at Osama, Osama looks at Saddam and Osama smiles, drops his
pants, and starts goin to town with this goat, just tearin’ his ass up. After
Osama is done, he says, “Alright, Saddam, your turn.”

And Saddam drops his draws, grabs his ankles, and sticks his head in the
fence.

Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of
procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to the population for
my act of copulation.
I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual gratification, that I
could not obtain through masturbation, which resulted in my fornication. I
accepted her invitation, and provided her with excitation, stimulation,
penetration, replication, and liberation. She provided lubrication (to avoid
inflammation) and I wore condoms to avoid contamination. She cried for
duplication but I insisted upon termination, in spite of her fascination with
variation.
This has caused me great aggravation, and the agitation and provocation of the
media has resulted in my humiliation, denigration, and degradation. My wife is
considering castration, which would require my hospitalization.
Pray that this matter will find culmination in my sanctification and
rehabilitation so that my plans for nomination to my ultimate vocation will not
result in revocation and termination. I hope this proclamation has provided
illumination and verification and will prohibit further provocation.
Sincerely,
The Rev. Jesse Jackson.

I hear that the Democrats are considering changing their emblem
from a donkey to a condom because a condom stands for inflation,
halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks,
and gives one a sense of security while screwing others.

You should “never” drink during tax season.

“You might shoot at tax collectors and miss!”