Category: politics

Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.

Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.

Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”

Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?
A: All pants half off.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They both blew the big one several times.

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
A: They both have slots which say “Insert Bill” here.”

If Clinton wanted legislation to burn down the Capitol building, Republicans in the Senate would introduce a compromise bill to burn it down over three years.

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the
same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while
Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized
the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn’t
swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in
Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven.

The next day the paperwork got straighted out. On his way up to
Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope “How was your
night in Hell?”

“Very educational.” responded the Pope. “I’ve learned a lot from the
experience, but now I’m glad I’m going to heaven. I’ve been waiting all my
life to meet the Virgin Mary.”

“Sorry,” said Clinton, “You should have been there yesterday”

The Election Is Over, The Results Are Known.
The Will Of The People Has Been Clearly Shown.
So Lets All Get Together And Let Bitterness Pass,
I’ll Hug Your Elephant, And You Can Kiss My ASS!!!!!

16> Greco-Roman Waffling15> Approval-Ratings Diving14> Military Record Gymnastics13> Poll Faulting12> Swift Boat Jousting11> Synchronized Spinning10> Dodgeball (with Chris Matthews) 9> 4 x 527 Candidate-to-Hatchetman Relay 8> TV Ad Cheap-Shot Put 7> Heavyweight Intern Clean-and-Jerk 6> Two-Man Skull Bashing 5> High-Speed Backpedaling 4> Florida Spazathon 3> Iraquetball 2> 50-State Prevaricating Marathon 1> Undecided Peoplechase [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

Bill Clinton and his wife Hilary were at a baseball game when the man sitting behind Bill whispers something into Bills ear, Bill Clinton stands up and throws Hilary on the baseball field. The man that was sittingbehind Bill said, “No, NO, I said throw the first pitch!

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.

“Our largest condom factory has exploded,” the Russian President cried. “My
people’s favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!”
“Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their
power to help you,” replied the President.
“I do need your help” said Putin. “Could you send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to
tide us over?”
“Why certainly! I’ll get right on it,” said Bush.
“Oh, and one more small favor, please?” said Putin.
“Yes?”
“Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10″ long and 4″ in diameter?”
said Putin.
“No problem,” replied the President.
Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid
Americans will fall for anything. George Bush hung up and called the CEO of a
condom company. “I need a favor. Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away over
to Russia.”
“Consider it done,” replied the CEO of the condom company.
“Good! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10″ long and 4″ wide.”
“Easily done. Anything else?”
“Yeah,” said the President, “print ‘MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL’ on each one.”

Once again Clinton’s under attack,
Cause he got another bimbo in the sack.
He said, with a hiss,
“If I’m to get out of this,
I’ll have to start a war with Iraq!”

Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons?A: The Conners own their own home.

The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers
who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by
an anaconda,the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of the boa
constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs between three and
four hundred pounds at the maximum.
This is what the manual said:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than
you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs
tight against one another

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the
feet and – always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and
ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie
perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly and with as little movement as
possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of
the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake’s head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 3 questions”:

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?

Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and tells him “Mr. President, I got 5 questions”:

1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason?
3. Don’t you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times?
4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early?
5. Where’s Bobby?