Category: politics

Q: What’s the best job a dumb blonde ever had?A: Vice-president of the United States.

After much arguing and deliberation, historians have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Era. It will be called SEX BETWEEN THE BUSHES.

In a heroic dogfight fought over International waters off the mainland-China coast, a 60’s-era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner, with 24 US Navy passenger/observers aboard, chewed up one of China’s finest sate-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft.

The Americans, utilizing the infrequently recorded combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on autopilot, engaged the outmanned single-seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air-mass propellers.

After the action, the crew and passenger/observers diverted to nearby China’s Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government.

Reprinted from the Taiwan Daily Gazette, by staff-writer Won Weng Lo.

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
“I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.”

“No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?”
Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.”
“Done” says the Wizard.

“Who comes next before the Great Wizard?”
Up steps George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I
need a heart.”

“I’ve heard it’s true” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”

Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?”

And Willie replies – “Is Dorothy around?”

This is a VERY simple way to understand the tax laws. Read on — it does make you think!!

Let’s put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men — the poorest — would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1, the sixth would pay $3, the seventh $7, the eighth $12, the ninth $18, and the tenth man — the richest — would pay $59.

That’s what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement — until one day, the owner threw them a curve (in tax language a tax cut).

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” So now dinner for the ten only cost $80.00.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six — the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his “fair share?”

The six men realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, Then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being PAID to eat their meal. So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of his earlier $59. Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to eat for free.

But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. “I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man who pointed to the tenth. “But he got $7!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man, “I only saved a dollar, too… It’s unfair that he got seven times more than me!”.

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man, “why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “We didn’t get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered, a little late what was very important. They were FIFTY-TWO DOLLARS short of paying the bill! Imagine that!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college instructors, is how the tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table any more.

Where would that leave the rest? Unfortunately, most taxing authorities anywhere cannot seem to grasp this rather straightforward logic!

George Bush is so cocky, he’s like a chicken on viagra.

What happened to Chelsea Clinton’s younger brother?

Monica swallowed him!

Did You her Bill Cliton tried to kill himself?
Yea he try to O.D. on Viagra and beat himself to death!

Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to overcome
this problem. his friends noticed the dramatic change.
“what happened?” asked doug. “you don’t seem to be worried about anything
anymore.”
“i hired a professional worrier for $1000 a week.” tom replied. “i haven’t had
a single qualm since.”
“a thousand a week!” said doug. “how the hell are you going to pay him?”
“i don’t care. that’s his f****** problem.”

I did not do it in a car I did not do it in a bar I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park I did not do it on a date I did not ever fornicate I
did not do it at a dance I did not do it in her pants I did not get beyond first
base I did not do it in her face I never did it in a bed If you think that,
you�ve been misled I did not do it with a groan I did not do it on the phone I
did not cause her dress to stain I never boinked Saddam Hussein I did not do it
with a whip I never fondled Linda Tripp I never acted really silly With
volunteers like Kathleen Willey There was one time, with Margaret Thatcher I
chased her ”round, but could not catch her No kinky stuff, not on your life I
wouldn”t, even with my wife And Jennifer Flowers” tale of woes Was paid for by
my right-wing foes And Paula Jones, and those State Troopers Are just a bunch of
party poopers I did not ask my friends to lie I did not hang them out to dry I
did not do it last November But if I did, I don”t remember I did not do it in
the hall I could have, but I don”t recall I never did it in my study I never
did it with my dog, Buddy I never did it to Sox, the cat I might have -once with
Arafat I never did it in a hurry I never groped Ms. Betty Currie There was no
sex at Arlington There was no sex on Air Force One I might have copped a little
feel And then endeavored to conceal But never did these things so lewd At least,
not ever in the nude These things to which I have confessed They do not count,
if we stayed dressed It never happened with a cigar I never dated Mrs.Starr I
did not know this little sin Would be retold on CNN I broke some rules my Mama
taught me I tried to hide, but now you”ve caught me But I implore, I do beseech
Do not condemn, do not impeach I might have got a little tail But never, never
did inhale

13> “The capitalist American government has caused us such great distress with their lies and two-faced infidel behavior that our military is unable to locate my pants.”

12> “Regarding our new French friends, I must admit that the Zionist dog, Jerry Lewis, is indeed the greatest comic genius of all times.”

11> “As American satellite pictures will verify, Saddam was merely helping the sheep over the fence.”

10> “The divine exhilaration of NASCAR radio broadcasts elevates the soul to such a plane of bliss and excitement that the almighty Allah himself boils with jealousy!”

9> “You, too, can make thousands of dollars each week by quitting your day job and becoming an Internet comedy writer.”

8> “Horny housewives are waiting for you to call them NOW!”

7> “The ill-mannered Americans you see on the streets toppling our statues and bombing are actually students here on spring break. Shame on them!”

6> “This dark stain on my pants is from wetting myself with joy at how well the battle goes for us.”

5> “This product is so incredibly rich and creamy, so delightfully flavorful, that it would be an American infidel lie to say that it is not butter!”

4> “All other cinema candies will bow or they will suffer a painful death when they look upon the crushing majesty of Red Vines!”

3> “Would you like any couscous with that?”

2> “Who, I ask you, is a swarthy dictator who is a sex machine to all the chicks? Saddam? Allah be praised, you are correct!”

1> “Our great leader Saddam stands strong and proudly defiant, repelling wave after wave of invading Western infidels, aided only by his infinite righteous might and his lovely wife Morgana al-Fa’irchild. Indeed, that is the ticket!”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white
robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff
in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.
George W. approached the man and inquired, “Aren’t you Moses.”

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man’s view and asked again,
“Aren’t you Moses?”

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man’s sleeve and asked once again, “Aren’t you Moses?”

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, “Yes I am.”

George W. asked him why he was so uppity.

Moses replied, “The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in
the desert!”