Category: politics

bin laden, sadam hussane were sitting in a cave thinking of ways to bomb the U.S.A. and bin laden had his camel with him.
A man walks in lifts up the camels tail then walks out, then another man walks in lifts up the camels tail then walks out.
Sadam is looking a bit puzzled so he gose and asks a gard outside “why are people coming in the cave

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the
Pentagon. “Mr. President

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House,

Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse.

The Secret Service were guarding the premises with care,

for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there.

Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed,

Dirty thoughts swam around Mr. Kennedy’s head.

And Bill in his sportcoat; a heavy gray tweed,

Had just fried his brain with some Mexican weed.

When out in the garden came a plethora of noise,

All drunken and rowdy: ’twas Newt and the boys!

Bill jumped to the window, and tore open the sash,

It’s a raid boys! he cried, Quick go hide my stash!

The pot in his blood and the moon on the snow,

Gave a psychedelic haze to the the objects below.

When what to Bill’s frantic eyes should appear,

But a slew of Republicans and a keg of beer.

With a big House leader, a lively and fat:

He knew it was Newt, the proponent of GATT!

A viscous as vipers, the Republicans came,

And Bill recognized them and called them by name.

Hey Helms, hey Thurmond! hey Packwood and Hatch!

Hey Dole and Pataki, it’s time for a bash!

A collective cheer rose out from the crowd,

Let’s listen to Nugent, and turn it up loud!

Together Dems and Republicans danced and sang out in cheer

Screw health care and Haiti, it’s time to drink beer!

When from the chimney, came a big black cloud of soot,

As Limbaugh danced from the fireplace in a red Santa suit.

He moved through the crowd, then held up his hand,

And when all was silent, he did a keg stand.

And the crowd raised their cups, as Newt bowed down it prayer,

And champagne flowed freely, just like welfare.

As Kennedy and Reno romped in the Green Room,

the rest of the crooks outlined their plan of doom.

We’ll pray in the schools, shove it down their throats!

More welfare, more taxes, we’ll still get the votes!

And they drank, hugged and danced, they crossed party lines.

They cheered, It doesn’t matter, we’re all bastard swines!

So they threw out allegiance and partisan crap,

And they took turns sitting on the Presidnet’s lap.

And Gephardt and Dole passed out on the lawn,

And awoke in the morning without their pants on.

And Packwood gave Tipper a pat on the rear,

While Judge Thomas and Miss Hill went out for more beer.

Then the party-ers discovered a sight so touching and cute,

President Clinton fast asleep, snuggled up to Newt.

Santa Limbaugh smiled and threw up on his boots,

A merry Clinton to all, and to a good Newt!

One Who is PC — target
One Who is Not PC — target
Ontologically-Challenged — fictional or mythological The absolute root of all
evil known
Osmotically-Challenged — Thirsty
Other-Aged — too old/young (dual purpose)
Outdoor Urban Dwellers — homeless
People of Height — too tall
Person of Region — redneck
Persons Living With Entropy — dead
Persons of Large Stature — NY Giants
Petroleum Transfer Technician — gas station attendant
Residentially Flexible — homeless

Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.

Unexpectedly, the first to score in the Super Bowl was Bill Clinton.

President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival, they were brought to see him.First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, “Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart”. So the Wizard said, “So be it”.Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, “People think I’m unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever. I want a brain. The Wizard said, “So be it”. Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. “People say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish to have some courage”. The Wizard granted this wish as well.And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard looked at him and said, “Well, what do you want?” To which Clinton replied, “I’m here for Dorothy!”

A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining”, he said to his wife.

“No, that felt more like snow to me”, she replied.

“No, I’m sure it was just rain, he said”.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not fight about it”, the man said, “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing”.

As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course”, he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like snow!”, to which the man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”!

If pro is the opposite of con, then what’s the opposite of congress?

PROGRESS!

Jerry was sent to prison and placed in a cell with a huge, burly guy. When lights-out occurred, the big guy got out of his bunk and said to Jerry,”We’re going to have sex! You want to be the Mommie or the Daddie?”

A very terrified Jerry replied, “Uh, well, I guess I’ll be the Daddie.”

Then the burley guy said, “OK then, get down here and suck your Momma’s dick!”

President Clinton was to represent the United States of America on a highly
formal, orchestrated “state visit” to Great Britain.

Air Force One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode
to join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach hitched to
6 enormous matched white horses.

The coach proceeded through the streets en route to Buckingham Palace with the
President and the Queen alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving
each out their respective windows to the cheering throngs.

At one point, the right rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart
that reverberated through the air and rattled the doors of the coach.

Presidents and Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first
reaction was to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and
behave as if nothing extraordinary had happened.

The President was the first to realize that ignoring what had happened was
ridiculous.

“Queen Elizabeth, please accept my regrets …. I’m sure you understand that
there are some things that even the President of the United States cannot
control.”

“Mr. Clinton, please don’t give the matter another thought. Why, if you
hadn’t said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses.”

Which president married a woman who hadn’t yet divorced her first husband, and
was branded an “adulterer” during his re-election campaign?

Andrew Jackson