Category: politics

Rush Limbaugh and his driver are cruising down a country road one day in the limo. Suddenly, out of no where, a pig rushes in front of the car. The driver can’t stop in time or swerve and he hits the pig, killing it instantly.They see a farm house just ahead on the side of the road and assume that the pig belongs to the farmer who lives there. Rush says, ‘Pull up there and go in and tell them that you have run over their pig. Be careful that you don’t get them upset. You know how they feel about their animals.’ The driver does as he is told, stopping in front of the farm house and going up to the door . He knocks on the door and is admitted inside.Three hours later, the driver finally comes out with a smile and a wave to the farmer and his family. Rush says to the driver as he gets in, ‘What the hell happened to you? You’ve been gone for six hours!”Well,’ the driver says, ‘I went in and told them. The farmer ushered me to a chair and brought me a tall glass of corn liquor. His wife insisted on fixing me a huge feast to eat. The farmers boy shined my shoes and got me a pipe of really good tobacco to smoke. Then the farmer’s daughter came in dressed in a short skirt, sat on my lap and offered to take me in her bedroom. We had great sex. ‘When I came back out, they were all even friendlier than before. I tried to leave twice before I was finally able to get out of there.’Rush looks at him incredulously and asks, ‘What exactly did you tell them when you first went in?’. The driver says, ‘I told them that I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and that I just ran over the pig.’.

Q: Why doesn’t Bill like old houses?A: He’s afraid of the draft.

One day Hillary is out taking a walk and comes upon the words “Hillary
sux!” written in piss. She says to her secret service men ” I want to know
who did this!” So they come back two days later and say, “Ma’am, we have
bad news and worse news. The bad news is that it’s the President’s piss.
The worse news is that it’s Monica Lewinske’s handwriting.

Clinton died and went to heaven or to be more accurate, approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared.

“Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter.

“Tis I, your lordship, President Bill Clinton.”

“And what do you want?” asked St. Peter.

“Lemme in!” replied Clinton.

“Soooo,” pondered St. Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?”

Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extramarital sex, but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t really have sexual relations. And I lied, but I didn’t commit perjury.”

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, “OK, here’s the deal. We’ll send you someplace where it is very hot, but we won’t call it ‘Hell.’ You’ll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we won’t call it ‘eternity.’ And don’t ‘abandon all hope’ upon entering, just don’t hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over.”

We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3
lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for
our own problems. Here’s a small list…

If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she’s holding in her lap while
driving, she blames the restaurant.

If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors,
you blame the rock ‘n’ roll music or musician he liked.

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
your family blames the tobacco company.

If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school
for poor sex education.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the
bartender.

If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin
was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at
35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased
blames the airline.

I guess I’ll just never understand the world as it is anymore…
So if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer
while sending you this joke – I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?

Back before any of us even knew who the Clintons were, they left a party and
got into their car. Hillary slid over close and began to stroke Bill’s thigh.
After he was aroused, she bent down and performed quite an extraordinary blowjob
on him.

Bill, confused, but both pleased and satisfied drove home contentedly.

As they pulled into their driveway, Hillary stroked Bill’s thigh again, and
got no response at all. “There!” she said. “NOW you may drive the blonde
babysitter home.”

Why isn’t Monica Lewinsky talking to the press?

She’s under a gag order.

After a series of tests, the 3 top candidates were chosen for a final interview with the CIA Director for a job opening.

The first one’s interview went really well… so the Director says: “I think you are the right man for the job, there is just one last thing you must do to prove your loyalty, here is a gun, go to the next room and shoot your wife”.

The man stands up and says, “Sorry Sir, I can’t do that” and walks out.

The same thing happens with the second applicant.

The third guy’s interview went well, so he is asked to prove his loyalty to the future job in the same way.

The Guy takes the gun, goes next door.

The CIA Director hears : “Bang”….. pause …… “Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang”…… long pause….. then a scuffle and noises…… silence.

The third applicant returns to the Director’s office and says” Some Idiot loaded this gun with blanks… so I had to strangle her!”

Q: How does Al Gore spell potato?A: T-A-T-E-R.

The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown
Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, ‘I have some
good news and some bad news.’ They ask for the good news first.

Aziz says, ‘The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have
jobs.’

‘And the bad news?’ they ask.

Aziz replies, ‘He’s lost an arm’.

Saddam Hussein’s 7 doubles were hastily rounded up at an undisclosed site in Baghdad and informed, “Gentlemen

One Day there were 3 women golfing when 1 of the womens balls flew into the woods.
The woman went to get it but when she did she saw a frog who was trapped.
The Frog said “Release me and i will grant you 3 wishes.””
So the lady released the frog and the frog said””thankyou