Category: politics

Q: What’s the difference between Clinton and Christopher Reeve?A: Clinton is dead from the neck up.

Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?A: The United States of America!

The bad news is that the government is predicting a big recession.
The good news is that the government hasn’t been right yet.

An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought.

-Robert Heinlen

Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called?A: The whine cellar.

14> “Send a message to those capitalist bastards! Come to Two-for-One Day at Stan’s Brick Emporium!”

13> “I don’t really give a crap — I’m just warming up for the New Year’s Day Y2K riots.”

12> “Citizens! Disperse and go home, or Brother Gates will be angry!”

11> “The Brown & Williamson IPO is bad, people. Do NOT invest in the Brown & Williamson IPO.”

10> “Gap is crap! Gap is crap! Gap is… Hey, cool chinos!”

9> “I was speaking figuratively when I said the WTO should go ‘where the sun don’t shine.'”

8> “Launch the chalupa!”

7> “No, Governor Bush, Stone Cold Steve Austin is not the head of the WTO. Guess again.”

6> “You got tear gas in my mocha latte!”

“You got mocha latte in my tear gas!”

5> “I haven’t seen this many badly dressed people since Courtney Love’s wedding.”

4> “I’m sorry Mr. Clinton, but the WTO rejects your proposal to ‘trade saliva with that Chinese girl’.”

3> “Ken Griffey sucks! Ken Griffey sucks! Ken Grif– AAAAGGGHH, MY EYES!!!”

2> “Attention, consumers: Put down your weapons NOW — and visit the fantastic 12-hour curfew sale going on at Old Navy!”

1> “Mr. Hoffa, we’re prepared to negotiate. Could you meet us at the Kingdome, say, around 2am?”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

After a meeting with the Pope, Bill Clinton held a press conference and
announced that they had a very successful conference and had agreed on
about 60% of what they discussed.

When asked what they discussed, Clinton replied, “The Ten Commandments.”

There are a lot of folks that can’t understand how we ran out of oil here in
the USA.

Well, here’s the answer: It’s simple. nobody bothered to check the oil.

Didn’t know we were getting low. And of course the reason for that is
geographical.

All the oil is in Alaska, Texas, and Oklahoma,
and all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

One day George Bush, Bill Clinton and Bob Packwood decide to visit the Wizard of OZ. After a long travel along the yellow brick road they arrive at the Wizards Palace.
When they meet the Wizard he tells them that they may each have one wish fulfilled. The Wizard asks George Bush what he would like, to which George responds “I would like to have a heart” and a heart is given to him. The Wizard asks Bill Clinton what he would like, to which Bill responds “I would like to have a brain” and a brain is given to him.
The Wizard then asks Bob Packwood what he would like, to which Bob responds “Uhmmmm is Dorothy anywhere around”……..

Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Ronald Reagan are in a boat in the Potomac, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life preserver jacket.Bill says: “Let’s do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life preserver.” They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Bush and Reagan get one vote each; Clinton gets six.

13> “Hi there. I know eventual-King William.”

12> “If I said you had a beautiful body — for a commoner, of course — would you hold it against me?”

11> “How’d you like to be hounded by paparazzi for the next six months?”

10> “Wanna inbreed?”

9> “Actually, that’s my *inheritance* in my pocket AND I’m happy to see you.”

8> “See ‘Jar Jar’ over there? That’s my dad.”

7> “Technically, you’ll be knighted if I touch you with my ‘royal sceptre.'”

6> “Care to come to my castle for some Bangers and Mash?”

5> “It’s not a proper curtsy unless your skirt’s over your head.”

4> “As a member in good standing of the Royal Hunt Club, it’s been my lifelong ambition to chivvy a little fox like you.”

3> “Before this evening’s over, I’d like to pronounce you ‘Duchess of Fellatia’.”

2> “Guards! Off with her blouse!”

1> “Waste my time with a pick-up line? Balderdash! Bark like a hound for me, peasant girl — and like it!”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

Well, I was interviewing Hillary Clinton the other day, and we came to the subject of her and Bill’s sex life. I asked her “Hillary, is your sex life with Bill anything like what he had with Monica?”, and she said “Well, close but no cigar.”