Category: politics

Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere. Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group. Democrats give their worn out clothes to those less fortunate. Republicans wear theirs. Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures, politicians, and entertainers. Republican children are named after their parents or grandparents, according to where the money is. Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom any reason why they should. Democrats ought to, but don’t. Republican boys date Democratic girls. They plan to marry Republican girls, but feel that they’re entitled to a little fun first. Democrats make plans and then do something else. Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made. Republicans sleep in twin beds–some even in separate rooms.

That is why there are more Democrats.

One day Bill Clinton had to go to thew bathroom while his body
guard (Bubba) was on duty. For some reason Bubba had to go piss
real bad so since he couldn’t leave Bill’s side he decided to go
with him.

Bubba and Bill started pissing together in the same toilet when
out of nowhere Bill asked, “How did you get such a big dick?!”

Bubba with a simple reply said, “Well sometimes while my woman
was sleeping I would get up so I beat my dick against the
bedpost. After I beat my dick against the bed post it would get
swelled up and, well, it would just stay that way.”

“Hmm…that sounds like a pretty good idea.” Clinton said. “I
think I’ll try that.”

So later on, sometime around midnight Clinton got up while
Hillary was sleeping and started to beat his dick against the
bed post. Hillary soon woke up. Without even turning the light
to see who it was she said, “Bubba is that you?”

One day Bill Clinton was walking down the beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it and a genie came out. He said to Bill “You have one wish.”

Bill Clinton cried “But I thought you were supposed to have three wishes!” “Well you are the most powerful man in the world so I only allow one for you,” replied the Genie.

Bill Clinton thought hard and said “Bring peace to the middle east.” He took out a map to show the Genie.

The genie said “Nope. Can’t do that choose another wish.” This next wish came up right away.

“I want the WHOLE world to love Monica Lewinsky as much as I do” The Genie stared at him with a raised an eyebrow. The Genie replied quickly “Um…can I take a look at that map again?”

Q: How can you tell when Clinton is ready for battle [in Bosnia]?A: He’s got his jogging suit on.

President Clinton is invited by George Steinbrenner to opening day at Yankee Stadium. Mr. Steinbrenner asks the President, “Mr. President . . . Bill . . . since you are my special guest, and today is opening day, we’d like for you to throw out the first pitch.”
President Clinton say excitedly, “SURE, I’D LOVE TOO…SOUUUIIEEEE!”

So before the game begins, the President is introduced to the crowd . . . the crowd applauds…Bill does the Presidential wave thing…and then, he picks up Hillary, raises her above his head, and gives her the good heave ho straight across home plate. “SOUUUUIIEEEE”. The crowd goes WILD!

George Steinbrenner puts his hand on Clinton shoulder and says, “That was just FANTASTIC…but I said ‘throw out the first PITCH!”

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the
same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while
Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized
the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn’t
swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in
Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven.

The next day the paperwork got straighted out. On his way up to
Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope “How was your
night in Hell?”

“Very educational.” responded the Pope. “I’ve learned a lot from the
experience, but now I’m glad I’m going to heaven. I’ve been waiting all my
life to meet the Virgin Mary.”

“Sorry,” said Clinton, “You should have been there yesterday”

Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com

Q. Is your dad a terrorist, because you are the bomb!

14. Ken Starr’s original request was for Monica’s dress with the “sequin” on it.

13. Vince Foster actually killed by a jealous O. J.

12. Stain turns out to be McDonald’s “Secret Sauce.”

11. Still has the blue jumper she wore in kindergarten when Johnny threw his spaghetti at Suzy and missed.

10. Sometimes, even the president just likes to cuddle.

9. If you tickle Bubba in just the right place, he *does* inhale.

8. Linda Tripp confided that she hopes Ed Asner plays her in the movie.

7. Out of all the gifts he gave her, the gold-embossed “Get out of jail free” card from the Franklin Mint’s edition of Monopoly showed how thoughtful the President really is.

6. Breaks wind whenever she removes the beret.

5. Despite his centrist politics, Bill’s more of a “leftist,” if you get my drift.

4. Although not advertised, anyone tuned into www.MyFirstPresident.com saw the whole thing!

3. Clinton’s fondness for berets once led to an embarrassing incident with Saddam Hussein.

2. Surprise introduction of semen-stained window drapes, car hood and toaster cozy.

1. Turns out BILL was the one wearing the dress.

You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese.

Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring,
Especially Al Gore.

The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.

When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.

Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There’s a special report,
And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H!

And what to our wondering
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil’ troll,
With tapes for us to hear.

With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy ‘do,
And a tale to be told-
To me, and to you.

On the chair! On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest.

The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew
Bubba Had gotten a hummer.

And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she’d just kept her mouth shut,
We’d not have all this trouble.

And thus set in motion,
A whole web o’ spiders,
With pundits galore,
And “White House insiders.

You ask, “Who would care
About Bill and his penis?”
Republican Ken Starr,
And he’s armed with subpoenas!

More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
“Here’s one for you!
And for you! And you, too!”

“Now Jordan! Now Cockell!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let’s subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!”

“We want you to tell us
About Bill’s private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
‘cept, of course, his wife.”

And many months later,
After long we’ve all suffered,
Let’s examine more closely
Just what Starr’s uncovered.

We’ve learned “Little Bill”
Has a mind of his own,
And – horror of horrors –
He likes to get blown!

A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don’t care
Just who Clinton, er, makes love to.

The economy’s great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!

Now the public’s grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To “E.R.”, and to “Friends.”

Now Monica, Linda —
And Ken Starr, you suck –
Get the hell off my TV,
Your 15 minutes are up.

Q: If Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Al Gore, and Tipper took a boat ride and the boat capsized, who would be saved?A: The United States of America!

One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, “My son’s choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!”A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy’s gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.”Thank you! Thank you!” the father cried. “Are you a paramedic?””No,” replied the man. “I work for the IRS.”