Category: politics

A man passed away and went to heaven. When the man arrived at the pearly
gates, St. Peter said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. You’ll like it here”.
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were
grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It
appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter what the deal was. Why
are all these clocks here in heaven? St Peter replied, the clocks keep track of
things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on
earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute. For instance, this clock is for
Sam, the used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move. Click. The
minute hand on Sam’s clock moved one minute. Click. It moved another minute. Sam
must be into closing a customer right now said St. Peter. The minute hand on his
clock moves all day.
The man and St Peter continued walking. Soon they came to a clock with cobwebs
on the minute hand. Whose clock is this” asked the man. That clock belongs to
the Widow Mary. She is one of the finest, God-fearing people on earth. I bet her
clock hasn’t moved in a year or two.
They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks
of all of his friends. When the tour was over the man said, ” I’ve seen
everyone’s clock but President Clinton’s. Where is his clock?”
Saint Peter smiled, “Just look up. We use his clock for a ceiling fan!”

“Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton”:

Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Water Bed

Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore

Nixon: Carpet bombing
Clinton: Carpet burns

Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek

Nixon: Couldn’t stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn’t stop kissing her

Nixon: Couldn’t explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn’t explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcase

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: No difference

Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan “Nixon’s The One”
Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say “He’s the one”

Nixon: Famous for his widow’s peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with G Spot

Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked of getting a piece while on her

What’s the recipe for Clinton stew?

Put a tiny weenie into real hot water.

Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?

– His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter talk.
Hillary asks Chelsea, “You have been going to college for awhile now. Have you had sex yet?”

Chelsea says, “Well, not according to Dad.”

Q: If called to testify in a trial how long will it before before Clinton commits perjury?A: When he’s sworn in.

Rush Limbaugh is being driven through the country and when he nears a farm,
the chauffeur accidentally runs over a pig. Rush Limbaugh says that the
chauffuer better go in and apologize and pay for the pig. The chauffuer is in
there for 10 hours. When he comes out, Rush Limbaugh asks what happened and the
chauffeur says, “Well, I went in and told them and the farmer gave me a feast
and the mother and daughter gave me incredible sex for 7 hours!!” “Well, what
did you say?!” cries Rush Limbaugh jealously. “Oh, I told them that I was Rush
Limbaugh’s chauffeur and I’d just killed the pig.”

What was Bill Clinton’s last gift to Monica?

Spot remover.

Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?A: Put Janet Reno in charge.

Clinton was asked who was a better lover: Monica Lewinsky or Paula Jones.

His response: Paula was good, but no cigar.

What is the difference between an African American and shit in a bucket?

*THE BUCKET* (DUH)

Terrorist pilot Mohammad Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis
captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the
Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called “political
prisoners.” However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their
hands.
The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of
State, Warren Christopher, “insisted” that all prisoners be released. Thus
Mohammad Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into
Tower One of the World Trade Center.
This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the
terrorists were first identified.
It was censored in the US from all later reports.