Category: politics

There is a lady who dies and goes up to heven. She sees all these clockes everywhere and asks an angle why they are there. The Angle says, “Well every time you lie your clock spins around once. Like hers George Washington’s, his clock never moved, same with Jesus’ over here.” So the lady asks where Bill Clintons is. The Angle replies. “Well jesus is using it as a celling fan in his office.

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
“Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!”, she exclaimed.

“No”, said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.”

“Lets see,” says Monica, “I don’t need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage….”

“And I don’t need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I’ll have all the money I could ever want…”

“I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yeah, that’s it,for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed.”

Poof, and just like that, her ears were gone!

* Must take 63 swings to the head from Mark McGwire.

* All of Clinton’s interns must now be former “Golden Girls.”

* Arrange for him to be President of France, where they’re into that stuff.

* The place: San Quentin. The cell mate: Hillary.

* Must deliver next State of the Union speech while wearing “the dress.”

* Every day from 9am to 10am, ordinary citizens may come to the White House
and sass him.

* At public appearances, “Hail to the Chief” replaced by cheesy porn movie
music.

* Must issue formal apology to Ted Kennedy for giving philandering politicians
everywhere a bad name.

* See Bobbitt, John Wayne.

* No “Xena” for two weeks.

Monica and Bill are in the oval office. Bill says, “Hey Monica…let’s play
‘Hide The Sausage’!”

Monica says, “Why…you always hide it in the same damn place?”

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.””That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K?

One got his head blown off in the back of a limousine & the other got assasinated.

You put your stylus in,
You put your stylus out,
You put your stylus in,
And you punch Buchanan out.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That’s what it’s all about!
You put the Gore votes in,
You put the Bush votes out,
You put the Gore votes in,
And you do another count.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That’s what it’s all about!
You bring your lawyers in,
You drag the whole thing out,
You bring your lawyers in,
And you put it all in doubt.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That’s what it’s all about!
You let your doctors spin,
You let the pundits spout,
You let your retirees sue,
And your people whine and pout.
You do the Palm Beach Pokey
And you turn the count around,
That’s what it’s all about!

Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton?A: He can’t give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

What was yesterday’s Washington Post headline?

Bush finally defeats Clinton.

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Newt Gengrich were on their way to meet the wizard of OZ.
When they met Al Gore asked for a brain, Newt asked for a heart, and Bill asked “where’s Dorothy?”

There were 8 people in a plane that was about to crash and after searching the plane they only found 7 parachutes. The 8 people in the plane were Bill Clinton, Hillory Clinton, Micheal Jordan, Cindy Crawford, George Bush, Bill Gates, Osama Bin Ladin, and a little boy. Bill Clinton took a parachute and said, I am the best president America ever had I deserve to live and he jumped. Hillory Clinton took a parachute and said I’m the worlds most ambitious woman, I deserve to live and jumped. Micheal Jordan took a parachute and said I’m the worlds best basketball player I deserve to live and he jumped. Cindy Crawford took a parachute and said I’m the worlds prettiest woman I deserve to live and she jumped. George Bush took a parachute and said I’m the smartest man in the world I deserve to live and he jumped. Bill Gates took a parachute and said I’m the richest man in the world to live, I deserve to live and he jumped. Now there was only Osama Bin Ladin and the litle boy left. Osama said I’m old and have lived my life, you take the parachute I’ll die. The boy replied, no there are enough parachutes left. How asked Osama the boy replied George Bush the smartest man in the world jumped with my backpack!!!!

Democrats announced today they are changing their emblem from a donkey to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages cooperation, protects a bunch of dicks and gives a sense of security while screwing others.