Bush, Einstein and Picasso at the Pearly Gates

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can
you prove who you really are?”

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”

Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome to heaven!”

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials.

Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”

Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.”

Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.

Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”

Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove
yours?”

George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”

Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.”

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Similarities between Nixon and Clinton
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Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

Nixon: His biggest fear – the Cold War
Clinton: His biggest fear – a Cold Sore

Nixon: Worried about carpet bombs
Clinton: Worried about carpet burns

Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek
Clinton: His Vice President is a geek

Nixon: Couldn’t stop Kissinger
Clinton: Couldn’t stop kissing her

Nixon: Couldn’t explain the 18 minute gap in the Watergate tape
Clinton: Couldn’t explain the 36-DD bra in his brief case

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick
Clinton: same

Nixon: Ex-President
Clinton: Sex-President

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan “Nixon’s The One”
Clinton: Known for women pointing at him saying, “He’s the one!”

N?xon: Famous for his widow’s peak
Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy
Clinton: Well acquainted with the G Spot

Nixon: Took on Ho Chi Minh
Clinton: Took on Ho

Nixon: Talked about achieving peace with honor
Clinton: Talked about getting a piece while on her

Top 10 Signs The President Is Angry

10) Latest radio address to the nation ended with the phrase “You can all bite
me.”

9) Giving people on the White House tour the finger.

8) Punched the side of Al Gore’s head so hard he broke his hand.

7) Threw half-eaten Big Mac from South Portico, beaning a Marine Band
clarinetist.

6) At recent Rose Garden ceremony, has Secret Service rough up some Spelling
Bee champions.

5) Blurted out to Roger, “Isn’t it time you got, like, a job?”

4) When pizza was late, beat delivery boy senseless with a Yoo-Hoo bottle.

3) Feverishly adds names to long list of guys he’s going to slug the minute he
becomes a private citizen.

2) Actually talked back to Hillary.

1) Every five minutes, he’s threatening to bomb Mexico.

Speed Trap

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch *all* the fish?”

Globalization

What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana’s death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French
tunnel, driving a German car with Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was
drunk on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese
motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this
is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates’ technology and you are probably
reading this on one of the IBM clones that use Taiwanese-made chips, and
Korean-made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant,
transported by lorries driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen, trucked by Mexican illegal aliens, and finally sold to
you. That, my friend, is Globalization.