Category: politics

What’s Bill Clinton’s favorite bible verse?

Psalms 23:10 — “My rod in my staff, it comforts me…”

Why did Al Gore get his nipple pierced? Well, Bush already had a Dick Cheney.

You argue that you need 300 semi-automatic assault rifles, in case a squirrel ever attacks your home.

What was the nationality of Adam and Eve?
-Russian of course. Why else would they think they’re in Paradise when they
were homeless, naked, and just had one apple for both of them?

Why did Monica Lewinsky lose the case against Bill Clinton?

Because she swallowed the evidence.

*These aren’t your father’s cigars … or your mother’s, for that matter.
*When’s the last time you had a good stiff Cuban?

*Because size really does matter.

*The bigger the hole, the bigger we roll.

*Available in small, medium, and donkey sizes.

*The “fun-to-put-in” carcinogen!

*New ribs for her pleasure. (oops.. that was for condoms)

*After a stroking’ it’s still good for smoking’.

*Long enough for a man, but made for a woman.

*Won’t leave a mess all over her dress!

*All the flavor of a fine Cuban cigar…with the pungent aroma of a tuna
canning factory!

*These won’t go floppy in your mouth.

*The best thing you’ll ever find in a box.

*Melts in your mouth, not in her muff!

*Cigars… they’re not just for oral pleasure any more.

*Batteries not included.

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The
parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about
his future career…. so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put
them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at
home.

The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money, he will be a
businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest–but if he takes
the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping
through the keyhole they saw their son arrive…the son saw the note they
had left.

Then, he took the 10 dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid
it in his pocket.

After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.

Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff
to be assured of the quality…then he left for his room, carrying all the
three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said: “Darn, it’s even worse than I
could ever have imagined…”

“Our son is going to be a politician!”

What’s the differance between Bill Clinton and a carp?

One’s a bottom feeding nusiance, the other is a fish.

Some possible titles for the new Bill Clinton movie:

Dial M for Monica Saving Clinton’s Privates All the President’s Women The Lying King Free Willy Terms of Impeachment Driving Miss Monica Independent Counsel Day The Six Commandments The Full Monica President on a Hot Tin Roof Red Faced in October Honey, I Shrunk the Presidency Bedtime for Bubba The Me Lie Massacre!

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

11> Condom that doubles as a self-inflating hot-air balloon (with reservoir tip)

10> “The Cartman” — an anal probe that facilitates otherwise impossible ski moves

9> Palm Pilot to distract bad guys with that hilarious Top 5 List

8> Condom coated with truth serum

7> Can of whoop-ass disguised as a Diet Coke

6> Miniature caulking gun for holes in the plot

5> Giant foam hand that says “British Secret Service #1!”

4> Viagra Martini: for when he’s shaken, not stirred

3> Really grippy pliers

2> Cool British sports car that — get this — actually *runs*!

1> Whatever it is, I bet a cheap plastic replica of it will fit in a Happy Meal.

The company “Huggies” has won a tender to supply American soldiers with
nappies in case of resistance of Iraq soldiers.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?

A: A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.