Category: politics

Al Gore’s wife held a press conference today at the White House where she
announced that until the election is over she will shave off all her pubic hair
and sit on stage with husband Al, and wearing no panties.

Astounded reporters asked what the message was, to which she replied “Read my
lips. No more Bush”

Q: Why does the Clinton administration want to reinvent government?A: They are having a lot of trouble dealing with the existing form…democracy.

Bill Clinton went to sleep at his desk one afternoon and had a strange dream. In the dream, he died and went to hell. When he gets there, Satan greets him and tells him that he will be there for all eternity, but, because of the way he behaved on earth while living, he gets to choose the type of punishment he will receive.Satan escorts him around and they come to a room where Newt Gingrich is stretched out on a rack, screaming in agony as the wheel is turned. Clinton says, “Nope, I don’t think I’d like that kind of punishment.” So they go on to the next room.There was Bob Dole, tied to a long pole and suspended over a large tub of raw sewage. He is lowered into the tank until completely submerged. After a few minutes he is lifted out of the tank, gasping and fighting for breath. As soon as he gets his breath back, he’s lowered again. “uh-uh!” says Clinton. “That’s not for me.”Finally they come to a room where Kenneth Starr is hanging from the wall by his thumbs. His pants are down around his ankles, and Monica Lewinsky is performing oral sex on him. Clinton says “OK, if I have to be punished forever, I’ll go for that way.”Satan says, “Fine. . . that will be your punishment for the next billion years. Monica! Your replacement is here!”

An Israeli doctor says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

A German doctor says, “That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says, “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.”

The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says, “You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House for four years, and now half the country is looking for work.”

Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House?A: There is White-out on the screen.

there was a boy he went to the shop and asked his mum for an action man his mum said “no you can have anything you want when you get home” so they went home the boy rushed upstairs to go the toilet his dad was in the bath he said to his dad “dad wats dat thing in the water” and his dad said thats my alien friend” so the boy said “can i play with him” the boys dad said “no” the boy said “mum said i can do anything i want so the boy got in the next day his dad woke up and said where am i wats happened?” the boy said “your alien friend spat at me so i bit his head off”

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, “Now, there’s the biggest horse’s ass I’ve ever seen.” A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. “She’s a horse’s ass too,” the man said. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.

“Damn it!” the man said, climbing back up to the bar. “This must be Bush country!” “Nope,” the bartender replied. “Horse country!”

A first grade teacher in the conservative Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush.

Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. “Mary,” says the teacher with surprise, “why didn’t you raise your hand?” Because I’m not a Republican,” says Mary. “Well, what are you?” asks the teacher. “I’m a Democrat and proud of it,” replies the little girl.

The teacher cannot believe her ears. “My goodness, Mary, why are you a Democrat?” she asks. “Well, my momma and papa are Democrats, so I’m a Democrat, too.”

“Well,” says the teacher in an annoyed tone, “that’s no reason for you to be a Democrat. You don’t always have to be like your parents. What if your momma was a criminal and your papa was a criminal, too, what would you be then?”

Mary smiled. “Then we’d be Republicans.”

Bush/Cheney ’04: Four More Wars

Bush/Cheney ’04: Leave No Billionaire Behind

Bush/Cheney ’04: Deja-Voodoo All Over Again!

Bush/Cheney ’04: Compassionate Colonialism

Bush/Cheney ’04: Because the Truth Just Isn’t Good Enough

Bush/Cheney ’04: Making the World a Better Place, One Country at a Time

Bush/Cheney ’04: Over a Billion Whoppers Served.

Bush/Cheney ’04: Putting the “Con” in Conservative

Bush/Cheney ’04: Thanks for Not Paying Attention.

Bush/Cheney ’04: The Last Vote You’ll Ever Have to Cast

Bush/Cheney: Asses of Evil

Bush/Cheney ’04: We’re Gooder!

Bush/Cheney ’04: This Time, Elect Us!

George W. Bush: The Buck Stops Over There

George W. Bush: A Brainwave Away from the Presidency

Don’t think. Vote Bush!

More Trees, Less Bush

It Takes a Village Idiot

One Person, One Vote (*May Not Apply in Certain States)

Bring Back Monica Lewinsky

Hillary and Chelsea are sitting around the table having a mother/daughter
talk.
Hillary asks Chelsea, “You have been going to college for awhile now. Have you
had sex yet?”

Chelsea says, “Well, not according to Dad.”

Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide?A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses.

Ever since he met JFK, Clinton wanted to be president in the worst possible way…now he’s succeeding beyond his wildest dreams.